Open Wide

       Today I went to the dentist to have three cavities filled. I hate going to the dentist     (but apparently not enough to stop eating teeth-rotting candy). I hate everything about it:

• I hate that my dentist is still in the city an hour from where we live now, which means I have to pack up my baby and everything that goes along with her for the day, and also coordinate with my mom's day off so she can watch her for me while I'm there.
• I hate that they "require" you take off your boots and inevitably end up getting wet socks due to the people who are self-exempt from following this rule.
• I hate that the hygienist hums along to the bad, bad "easy listening" music on the radio, because if I was lucky enough to be able to tune it before, I certainly am not able to now!
• I hate that they essentially tip you as far upside-down as possible without dumping you out of the chair, and then make you wear nerd goggles to protect your eyes from flying tooth particles that they are so kindly drilling out of your head.
• I hate the smell of drilled teeth. And the sound.
• I hate that while you are staring up at the ceiling and are blinded by that stupid bright light they shine in your mouth eyes, they come at you with pointy objects reminiscent of life-or-death operative surgical instruments and proceed to poke and prod you with them, asking if it hurts. YES, IT DOES.
• I hate that when I am in the dentist's chair, I need to consciously will myself to unclench. I think, at the very least, a free massage should be included after.
• I hate the smell of that carcinogenic crap they fill your teeth with. And the fact that it is carcinogenic. 
• I hate that they tell you to let them "tap tap tap" your teeth together to check the bite once they're done. My jaw doesn't really allow other people to do that... and then I feel stupid for not being able to control my voluntary muscles like everyone else seems to be capable of doing.
• I hate having to go around town afterwards with my still-frozen face and give people smiles that make them think I might be handicapped. (Not that there is anything wrong with being handicapped, its just not a look I'm going for.)
• I hate that when you were a kid, they tricked you into thinking that going to the dentist was fun, by giving you delicious-tasting fluoride treatments, a free pack of gum, a toothbrush, some floss, and various other "treasures" in a goody bag. It was almost as good as going to a birthday party.
• But probably most of all, I hate that I have been suckered into paying hundreds of dollars for this inhumane torture being inflicted on me!!

P.S. I actually do like my dentist as a person, I've had the same guy since I was a kid. He knows my family and is quite personable. Oh, and I like not having rotting holes in my head once we're all done. :)


ETA: The next morning, one of the fillings they put in fell out. Now I get to go and do it all over again. Yay.