New Year, New Room

     We have been attempting to work on transitioning Laura to a big girl bed for some time now. Ideally we wanted her to be fully switched over and comfortable well before Baby #2 arrived so she wouldn't feel like she was being displaced. We started around 18 months by taking the side off her crib. At the time, we didn't own a bed rail, and she ended up falling out (maybe 8 inches to the floor) once or twice. It was enough to scare her, though, and put an end to all sleeping in her crib unless the side was on and properly secured. So, we tried again maybe two months later, and bought a bed rail for her this time. But the damage remained. Every night, she would faithfully get out of bed and curl up in a heap on the floor directly behind her door. And if she didn't feel like going to sleep yet, she would just bang incessantly on the door. Finally, one night after banging for about 2 hours in the middle of the night, I gave in, and at 3am had Josh put the side back on the crib yet again. He swore it was not coming off until our second baby was ready for a big kid bed.

      Thursday night, after our company left, we spent the evening taking apart our guest bed and assembling what will be Laura's new big girl bed. I have slowly been working on decorating her new room, too, and although it's not finished, I like the way it is turning out in there so far. Laura and I spent the majority of the evening in there making her new bed, organizing her dresser, and playing with her toys in the gloriously large open space she now has (this room is notably larger than the nursery). She really seems to like it. We'll see how that translates to her sleeping in there, though.

    The nursery is now almost eerily empty. There is one sleep sac hanging in the closet that Baby Thumper received for Christmas, and a bunch of empty hangers. I'm sure by this point in my pregnancy with Laura her closet was half full already. Other than the top drawer of the dresser/ changetable that is filled with our cloth diapers (which Laura is still using), all the rest of Laura's things have been moved over. Last night it really hit me hard as to the fact that we do not have a baby anymore. I'm glad another is on the way, because even as it is, I am really starting to feel the void. Laura is talking so much now, and can really get her point across most of the time... she is definitely more like a child now. And for someone who doesn't overly enjoy the baby phase, I sure seem to be having a rough time with the idea that my baby is growing up. Don't get me wrong, she is really fun right now, and probably the most enjoyable she's ever been, but her new room has made me realize once again that I am having a hard time letting go of her babyhood.

 

Laura's little reading nook :)

Still To Do: 

• Make curtains
• Letters spelling LAURA for shelf above bed
• New lamp shade 
• Remove baseboard heater
• Replace stained carpet
• Replace window

Christmas 2011

     So, after my grinchy post about how stressful Christmas is, I ended up having a wonderful holiday despite myself. :)
     We spent a few days at my mom's and everything was really lovely. We drove up on Christmas Eve, and the weather/ drive were perfect. We had a nice dinner with my parents and aunt & uncle, followed by some carols on the piano. Laura wanted to get in on the action and played a few duets with my mom before she got right in there playing and singing along to her own songs. It was impossibly cute.

  
      In the morning around 8:30 my sister and her fiancee as well as my dad came over to open stockings in front of the fire (or as Laura calls it, the 'fida'. 'No touch. Hot!'). Laura even opened most of hers herself. She was very excited by them. Again, ridiculously cute. I was trying not to get my hopes up too high for her to open her own presents and be interested, but she definitely surpassed my expectations.
  
     We went upstairs to open real presents after that, and grab a bite to eat. Laura got sooo many things - almost every other present was for her. A new chair for her big girl room, a keyboard from her grandpa, movies, books, clothes, lots of toys, and five different food play sets for her kitchen Josh and I made her. And we haven't even had Christmas with Josh's family yet! Even Baby Thumper got a few gifts (I have decided that is going to be our in-utero name for him/her based on how constantly I feel like I am being thumped now!)  I got some scrapbooking supplies, and kitchen supplies, and a few other things, but my big gift was a Cricut machine from my mom... will be very helpful in many future situations, I'm sure. :) Josh got a nice pair of headphones he wanted for studio monitoring and a couple gift cards for the music store, which he has already used Boxing Day shopping for a new microphone.We were all finished by lunch time (I think that's a record for us!).
   Laura was tired in the afternoon, but wouldn't nap. We went to the cottage for dinner with my aunt and uncle and cousin and his fiancee. Dinner was really yummy, as usual, and way too filling. Laura ate peanuts and candy before dinner, so only ended up eating a few bites of mashed potatoes and carrots and bread for dinner. No turkey. Her loss.
     In anticipation of our upcoming trip (only 47 days away!), after dinner we watched some home videos of us at Disney World when we were little. My sister and her fiancee are also going a few months after us, so it was fun for all of us to watch and reminisce together. We headed back to my mom's house fairly early because Laura really needed to go to bed, and Josh and I were tired, too. We were all in bed by 9:30.
     Boxing day we got up and got ready to go home. We stopped at a couple stores on our way for a few choice items, but neither Josh nor I like big crowds, so we tried to keep it short and to the point. And Laura was really crabby because she needed a nap by that point, too. We did buy her a twin mattress for her big girl bed, though, which is being delivered on Wednesday. Besides curtains, it is pretty much the last thing she needs to complete her new room. We are planning on moving her in there shortly after the Christmas crazy is over.
     We are expecting Josh's family today for the 'second half' of our Christmas, and then things will finally be able to go back to normal!
     I hope everyone had a fantastic Christmas as well, and Happy New Year!

Merry F*ing Christmas

     I used to love Christmas. But now that I am a mom, I have finally found the true meaning... Christmas = stress. Three of the last four Decembers I have been pregnant, and for some reason, I have found it hard to really get into the Christmas spirit. Maybe it is my body telling me to take it easy... I should probably take the hint.
     When I first spent Christmas at Josh's house, his family, his mom in particular, spent the whole holiday season going around saying, "Merry F*ing Christmas". I thought that was very un-Christmasy of her at the time, but now I get it. Baking. Shopping. Wrapping. Visiting. Packing. Travelling. CLEANING. It all boils down to one thing: more stress for Mom. It's too much. I just barely keep our regular lives under control, let alone have time for all of these extra other things expected of me during the holidays. Josh doesn't seem to get it. He will help out if I specifically ask him to do a certain task, but it does not cross his mind to ask me if I need any extra help when he sees me getting super stressed out like this. And that only perpetuates the issue.
    Last night I was up working on last minute Christmas things (of which there are a still a plethora), and Josh informs me that I am making it too hard for myself, "You are making handmade wrapping paper out of fabric - that is more effort than you need to put in." While this may be true, I still needed some way to wrap these oddly-shaped, non-boxed presents. And so I was making fabric present bags. He suggested just wrapping them crappily in paper and blaming it on him. Helpful.
     He ended up staying up later than me, which he does almost every Friday, because he was 'too excited to sleep', (but not for Christmas, no,) because he got his first song on an internet radio show. Normally I would try harder to join him in his excitement, but right now stress and exhaustion have set up camp in all corners of my body and brain. Now, I don't mind him staying up later, as he needs this time for himself to unwind. But sometimes it gets out of hand and he ends up staying up WAY too late, rendering himself unfunctional the next day. And I certainly can't have that. Not today. I still have approximately a million things to do, and at the very least he is going to have to be awake to watch Laura. So, when I woke up at 5:30 this morning, and he still hadn't come to bed, I felt my blood pressure starting to rise. I was not going to be able to go back to sleep until I knew if he had gone to bed. I poke my head into the guest room. Nope, not in there. I poke my head down the stairs. Ahhh, he is on the couch. So he does know what's good for him after all. I guess he heard me puddling around upstairs, so he came up then. He said he went to bed at 2am, but didn't want to wake me up so he slept on the couch. Good. Except last night I really wanted to have a nice little Christmas Eve Eve of our own since we are going to be away and/or have guests for the best part of the next week = not much time for just us. But I guess that wasn't going to happen.
   Anyway, I can't think of a very good way to wrap up this post, and I really can't legitimize any more time spent venting when I still have so many other things to do. I guess next year I will just need to start earlier.
Merry Christmas, everyone! :S

Kids Are Weird

     One thing I can say about Laura is that she is a pro at independent play. When she was a baby I would try to play with her, but her attention span was so short for things that I would do with her, I soon grew bored of sitting on the floor trying to entice her while she was happily playing her own way.
     She doesn't have nearly as many toys as most other kids her age we know, but it's probably a good thing, because most of the toys she does have sit in the playroom, for the most part, untouched. Her favourite things to play with are every day items that you would never conceive of as being able to provide fun for days in and days out.
     I received a stocking present one year that included a small velcro make-up bag containing two tubes of face cream. It lived in the drawer in our bathroom for some time until Laura was able to get around and follow me in there. Her favourite thing to do while I use the washroom is to open and close the drawer, and sort through the various items in there. Taking out random toothbrushes and hair clips... until one day she found the prized make-up bag. This bag has provided her with hours days of fun. She carries it around the house from room to room taking the tubes out and putting them back in. Doing up the velcro, undoing the velcro. Taking the tubes out, putting them in her mouth, putting the tubes back in the bag. All around the house. How this could possibly be fun is really beyond me. But whatever floats your boat, I guess.
     And then one day not too long ago she discovered the joy of pens. But not for drawing or colouring with. No. For taking the lid off, and putting it back on. So there was another week of fun right there.
     Today, I was trying to clear off my counter (which lately has seemed to accumulate way more things than usual) and there was a small bucket with those plastic, reusable ice cubes that I needed to get rid of. I was just going to take it to Goodwill or throw it out, but Laura saw it and demanded to look at it. (I think she thought they were candy to begin with). Well. She has literally not put that bucket down all day. Taking the ice cubes in and out, taking off and replacing the lid. Over and over. We even went to the Early Years Centre this morning for a dancing/ movement program, and it came with us. Laura did not participate in the program, just continued to take the ice cubes in and out. So by this afternoon, I was starting to feel a little guilty about not providing her with some better entertainment/ activities/ time with Mommy. I started looking through my bookmarked websites for fun toddler activities we could do together. I decided to make a sensory bag like this. I whipped one up quickly (using handsoap instead of toothpaste because we don't have 3 extra tubes lying around), and.... she proceeded to take no interest in it. Ice cubes in. Ice cubes out. Share with dog. Take back from dog. Ice cubes back in bucket.
     Now don't get me wrong, she does like to play with 'real' toys some of the time - mostly dolls and stuffed animals, and she pretends with them to some extent. She also really enjoys reading books together, which is one of the only activities I can really engage in with her. Part of me is a little sad, though, because I see all of these totally fun blogs of parents crafting with their children, and I get so excited because I LOVE crafts and I want to try them with Laura... but so far she really doesn't seem to be into creating. She is much more of an explore-her-world-and-experiment type kid. Science brain, I guess.

Gingerbread Weekend

     Since Josh and I were married, we have made a tradition of making an original gingerbread house from scratch each year.

     Our first Christmas together we made a tropical getaway home (complete with palm tree) in anticipation of our upcoming trip to Australia:

(the outhouse was Josh's contribution. They are not actually commonplace in Australia)

    

    The year we came back from Australia we attempted a gingerbread castle. Unfortunately, due to unforseen circumstances, this was as finished as it got:

 

     The next year, we had just moved into our own very first home, so we decided to make a scale model replica: 

Josh felt the need to make it 'realistic' and add dog poop to the yard.

We even did the interior, too! :)

     Then, last year, we made a gingerbread treehouse:

including happy children creepy, drunken old men playing underneath (again, Josh)

     This year we wanted to do something relatively uncomplicated so Laura could help. We ended up doing 'Santa Visits the Great Pyramid':

Watch out for the Santa-eating cobra!

     We didn't actually end up letting Laura help with the pyramid, but she did help decorate cookies:

And she did a good job, too! <3

I'm Back!

Goodbye, first trimester, you will not be missed!

     This past week I was finally able to muster the energy and motivation to resume cleaning my house. Prior to this I had been doing the very minimum required to keep my family alive: coming up with some semblence of food to sustain us (which actually Josh did a lot of the time) and providing clean clothes only when every other item had been used thoroughly. You know, that kind of stuff.
     So this week has been a lot of catching up chores, and the list of things I would like to get done is still quite long. I'm still struggling with insomnia a little bit, but most of the time it is okay. Things are starting to look up - I even cooked some real meals this week! No more Kraft Dinner and cereal. I have generally started feeling better (but not great), and eating is still kind of touch and go. For a while there the only things I could stomach were apple juice and Raisin Bran. I think I have lost a total of 10 - 11 pounds (:S). Hopefully that trend will soon change. Laura has been happy about all the apple juice that has been around though, and now asks for "SHUICE! SHUICE!" on a daily basis. I don't think she is going to be too happy when I can start living without it again and it is no longer available. Also, I think I have felt some movement a couple of times, but nothing definite to report. Soon, though, I'm sure! I'm definitely feeling the belly, though! Here is a progression of belly shots with respectively-sized edible items for comparison of how big the baby is:

5 WEEKS

7 WEEKS

9 WEEKS

 

11 WEEKS

13 WEEKS

Rant-a Claus

     Call me a Grinch, but why do people lie to kids about the existence of Santa Claus?

     I've never understood why parents feel compelled to lie about some magical fat man who completes the seemingly impossible feat of delivering presents to every home in the world on Christmas Eve. I mean, I guess it creates a 'magical moment' for the kids on Christmas morning... but I think that moment could still be created in other, less deceitful ways. Plus, it is uber-disappointing when you finally figure out that your parents have been lying to you about said magical man for the last 6 years. Or, at least, it was for me.
     One Christmas Eve I discovered presents marked 'from Santa' in the basement in the wrapping pile. I was not a snooper - I'm not sure what I was even doing down there - but my 6-year-old-self's logic kicked in and I wondered how those presents could be there from Santa already when Santa isn't supposed to come until after I was in bed... That, and I had older cousins, who I am pretty sure ruined it for me.

      I also feel that the whole Santa business takes away from what Christmas should really be about. Kids generally have a one-track mind and it becomes all-consuming for them to be on their best behaviour to make the 'nice' list in order to get the material gifts that they want. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for best behaviour, but I would rather have the motivation be something more intrinsic and less superficial. The problem is, with our society, you can't get away from Santa. I don't want my children to think that they are being punished or skipped over because Santa doesn't leave presents at our house, but at the same time, I am definitely not going to push the issue. Once our kids are old enough to understand Santa and start asking about him, he might leave one or two gifts for them, but until then, I don't think it's necessary.

     I have read in many parenting books that traditions are very important to children - they give them a sense of belonging and what to expect. I, too, am big on tradition, and so want to create special traditions for my family that honour what we value. These are what create those ever-cherished magical moments, not a fat man in a red suit.
Our traditions include:

• painting ceramic Christmas ornaments each year so our children will have their own collection
• including a year-in-review letter with our Christmas cards
• putting up the Christmas tree/decorations the first weekend in December
• making a gingerbread house/ structure (from scratch) the second weekend in December
• Christmas Movie Advent
• New pajamas for Christmas Eve
• Christmas morning at Grandma's
• Taking down the tree New Year's Day

I'm sure there are more that I have forgotten, or that will evolve as time goes on, but it is important to me to keep them the same from year to year so they will become special memories for our children forever.
Merry Christmas!

Christmas is Coming!

     This weekend was full of fun-filled family/ Christmas activities. As usual, we took Laura to her swimming lessons Saturday morning, and she did better than she usually does when I am in the pool, which was nice.

Afterwards, we went and picked up her Christmas ornament she painted last week... it's very 'abstract', we'll say, but turned out pretty well, I think, considering it was painted by a one-year-old. :)

     After swimming we went to the bank for some financial advice, for which Laura was reasonably well-behaved, other than trying to make off with the paper from the lady's printer. Then we came home and had a quick bite and some naps. After I woke up, I made Laura a hat to go with her winter coat, and then we trekked off to the Santa Claus parade in town. I was only able to stay for about the first 20 minutes because I had to go to work, and I wasn't sure if Laura would be into it or not, but when Josh tried to bring her into the restaurant half way through the parade she demanded to be taken back out. So I guess she liked it. She was a little apprehensive of the loudness that was the emergency service vehicles, but felt compelled to wave to them nonetheless (below). Based on the amount of times she mentioned "Neigh!! Neigh!! Boon! Boons!", I'd say it is safe to say her favourite parts were the horses from the riding club, and the balloon store's float.

     Josh came into the restaurant for dinner after the parade (along with EVERYONE else who was watching it), and though the service was slow, Laura was very patient and did really well on her date out with Daddy. :)
     This morning we got a start on Christmas shopping and went for groceries and I was actually able to enjoy our family trip to the grocery store again without feeling the need to vomit. After, we went and picked out some Christmas movies to rent for the week, and came home for lunch. After naptime Josh and I discussed the possibility of going to see the new Muppet movie with Laura. She is only one and a half, but has a reasonably long attention span for movies she is interested in, and she is definitely interested in the Muppets, so we thought we would give it a go. Plus it was good way to put off vacuuming. She did about as well as I expected her to; she sat through about half the show contentedly eating Skittles, and then decided that traversing the giant set of stairs would be more entertaining for the second half of the movie. It was fine - there weren't that many people there, and she wasn't being loud, and most of the other patrons had kids with them. When the movie was over (it was quite cute, by the way, if you're wondering), we came home and Skyped Grandma and Grandpa so Laura could tell them about her weekend. She told them all about the "[Muppet] Show! Show!" and the "Neighs! Nine Neighs!" and the "Boons!!" and then proceeded to run around the living room on her Skittle high.
     All in all a good weekend. <3

Laura These Days

     I feel like Laura deserves a post all to herself just for an update on what she has been up to:

     She has been ever increasing her vocabulary, and although she seems to possibly be slightly behind her same-age peers, she still manages to impress us and make us laugh on a daily basis. She repeats words back that we say (or tries to, at least), and is always looking to use them in context. The other night (after our ultrasound) we were out for dinner, and I guess she was quite hungry. We had bread on the table, but I didn't want her to fill up on that, so we only gave her one piece. Next thing I know, she is reaching out for it saying, "Peesh! Peesh!!" (that is toddlerese for 'please'). It was soo cute, I couldn't stand it. She had never used 'please' in context before without being prompted! Of course I had to give in. <3 We have been working on using it in context this week, but mostly we still get "I WA DAT" ('I want that').
She also understands the idea of one and more than one, which she refers to as 'TWO!', regardless of how many there actually are. Either she is very excited about the concept of two, or she likes to make bad mathematician factorial jokes on a daily basis.

     The big girl bed... still not going so well. She sleeps on the floor behind her door every night. Which is fine, I guess. :S Her bed is now used for stuffed animal storage and gymnastics during the day. And, if it's possible, she sleeps even more lightly now than she did before, so any tiny creak in the floor wakes her up. It has made for some long nights. Thankfully if/ when she wakes up at night now, I can go in and tell her that, "Mommy is tired, and it is the middle of the night, so you need to go to sleep right now, because Mommy is going back to bed." She also gets a lot of, "Mommy is going for a nap now. You can have a nap, too, or stay in your room and play quietly." Both of which seem to work reasonably well. :) We are planning on moving her to her new room after Christmas. It will probably be a long and painful transition if the transition to her 'big girl bed' has been any indication, so we want to give her lots of time.

     Since I have been working, Laura has started eating so much better! She has hardly been on any purees, and has even started eating meat with a fork. She has also been eating much MORE food, and growing like a weed, accordingly. It's actually a huge relief to see her take real interest in making sure she gets enough. She is still nursing about 3-ish times a day (when she wakes up, before nap, and after nap), give or take depending on the day. I am starting to get the feeling that people are beginning to frown upon this, but it is still working for her and for me, so we will continue. And not that I need to defend myself, but even the WHO recommends breastfeeding until age two.

     Laura is enrolled in swimming lessons again for the semester, and as long as Mom isn't in the pool, she continues to enjoy them. If I am there, she whines and clings to me and doesn't participate in any of the activites even though she can do all the required skills. We did have to buy her a wetsuit, though, so she would be warm enough, and she still shivers by the end of the lesson. This kid needs some body fat!
She is also heavily into animal books and has developed a strong fascination with the moon. She likes to watch 'Mouch!' (Mickey Mouse), Pooh, and 'Memmo' (Elmo/ Sesame Street) and refers to The Count as 'Nine' because of this song on one of her DVDs. Very cute.

     We are starting to think about potty training, but so far Laura hasn't shown a whole lot of interest. Sometimes we can convince her to do a #2 on the toilet if we catch her quickly enough in the beginning stages, but we've definitely got a long way to go still. I am pretty sure she could do it, but she has to be motivated to want to, and so far she doesn't seem to be. I am in no rush, as we don't have to buy diapers, and I am concerned about it interfering with our trip in February. Potty training accidents are not something I particularly want to deal with while on vacation, so I might just wait until we get back. Having said that, she will be getting some big girl undies for Christmas. :)

     Also, I taught her to do this tonight:

Charming, I know :)

Baby #2!!

    So, I have mentioned already that I am pregnant again, but today it is official - we have pictures to prove it! :)

 

     I am supposed to be 10.5 weeks today, and baby was measuring right on schedule, if not a little big already (4cm crown to rump)! The technician told us that the heart rate was 169bpm, to which I immediately replied, "Oh! It must be a girl!" Josh was not impressed. (I think the old wives tale is that a heart rate of over 140 is a girl). Right now I would like to keep the sex a surprise since we found out with Laura, and I would like to try it the other way, plus I don't really care as much this time. We have a lot less planning to do, so it isn't as important to me. Josh would like to know, though, so we haven't completely decided one way or the other.
     Baby seemed perfectly healthy - as far as you can tell when (s)he is only 4cm long. I was surprised at how human-like it looked already! I was expecting more of a gummy bear appearance, but (s)he already has long legs and arms and defined-ish facial features. It was totally exciting! :)

Dadurday

     So, as I mentioned previously, I had rationed my maternity pay so that I was able to stay off with Laura for 18 months instead of 12. But, all good things must come to an end, and back in September I began looking for an 'evenings & weekends' job so that Josh would be able to watch Laura after work and we wouldn't have to send her to daycare. It took me about a month and a half, but I was finally able to land a job waitressing at a small Chinese restaurant downtown. It's nice because the dinner shifts are only three hours, so I'm not away from home that long, but boy, it can get busy on the weekends, leaving my pregnant self exhausted. I am scheduled to work the lunch shift on Saturdays as well as dinner, which means Josh is in charge of Laura for pretty much the whole day. Yesterday was the first time, and it went a little something like this:

     In the morning we took Laura to her swimming lessons, (I didn't swim because there wouldn't be enough time for me to change after), so Josh did the lesson with her. They actually did really well together, better than Laura has done so far this year.
     After swimming lessons, we rushed back to get me to work, and then Josh took Laura to the grocery store. They came home to drop off the groceries and have some lunch and then went back out to get some more errands done. After they were done, they came back to drop the car off to me, and I noticed that Laura had blood all over her hand and clothes.... not exactly what I was hoping to see on Josh's first day looking after her...

     "What happened? Why is there blood all over her?!"

     "Oh. Laura got a nosebleed... or else it's pomegranate juice."

     "What? This isn't pomegranate juice... and there is no blood on her face."

     Upon closer inspection, the blood source seemed to be coming from her finger.

     " Oh, I dunno then... I let her play with a measuring tape while we were waiting in the line-up for the car wash?"

     Awesome. "Okay... well, for future reference, you probably shouldn't let her play with those, especially unsupervised."

     Along with her bloody finger, Laura also had a runny nose. She was generally not in the best of spirits, so my boss, who had been monitoring the whole conversation told me I could go home early and just come back for the dinner shift. I happily agreed. The three hours I had been there I think I had served three tables, and there had only been a handful of take-out orders. She clearly didn't need me there.
     So, we all went home together and I got to cuddle with my sick baby. I even had time to sneak in a short nap. Bonus. After I got home from the dinner shift, I asked Josh how the rest of their day went. He told me Laura ate for about two hours straight after I left.
   
     "Oh, really? Good. What did you feed her?"

     "Sunflower seeds."

     "Oh? What else?"

     "Nothing, really. She just ate about a cup of sunflower seeds."

     "A cup?! Oh boy, that will make for some interesting poo tomorrow (and it did). Didn't you feed her any real dinner? Like meat or vegetables?"

     "No... she was eating the sunflower seeds and just kept asking for more."

  
     Oooookay, then. :S







     So, Daddy's first Saturday was a bit of an adventure, but I'm sure he'll get the hang of it. He actually did a pretty good job holding down the fort on his own. The groceries were bought, floor got swept, and I think he even made time to scrub the toilet. <3


    

Mommy Guilt

    When I became a mom, I was unaware of the guilt that would plague me for what I can only assume will be the rest of my life. Am I choosing the right parenting tactics? Do I make enough effort to foster Laura's interests? Is being a Stay At Home Mom really the best for Laura, or am I doing it for the wrong reasons? It is amazing all of the little things you can over-analyze about and worry over when you put your mind to it.
   
     And then I got pregnant. And then I found out there is a whole new level of Mommy Guilt.
    
     My sister and I are 4.5 years apart, and I found that age difference to be very hard. Now, mind you, some people have siblings that far apart (and farther) and still have fabulous relationships, but my sister and I were not really what you would call "friends" when we were little. We fought a lot, and I picked on her. That is not what I wanted for my family. Perhaps I am making assumptions under false pretenses here, as I'm sure factors affecting siblings' abilities to get along vary far more than the age gap between them, but I figured having our children closer together might help at least little. So, really, I did have Laura in mind when planning the whole thing.
     However, one of the first problems we've encountered is that I am still nursing Laura a few times a day, and as soon as I found out I was pregnant, I noticed her getting frustrated with the whole process. She seemed impatient and insatiable, constantly asking to nurse. This led me to believe that my milk supply had taken a hit, which is not uncommon. So I did some research to see what I could do to help. What I turned up with was.... nothing. Pregnancy Rules are very restrictive, so even the herbal remedies commonly suggested to help increase milk production in lactating mothers are prohibited. The only thing my doctor recommended was letting her nurse more to biologically stimulate my body. But she is 19 months old. I don't want to nurse her the 100 times a day she asks for it anymore. So, we kind of just struggled on with it, doing the best we could and trying to find a balance we were both happy with.
     Enter Morning Sickness.
     At about 5 - 5.5 weeks, Morning Sickness reared its ugly head. Food became less and less appetizing, and accordingly, I began to eat less and less. This pregnancy has been eerily similar to my pregnancy with Laura so far, so much that I think I might be having her twin. I have had pretty much the same food aversions, same Morning-Sickness-at-dinner-time, and generally have felt the same level of nausea (although Josh remembers it differently). I lost 10 pounds in the first trimester with Laura, and so far I have lost 4 pounds at 8 weeks. I was whining to my mom yesterday about how crappy I was feeling, and we were also discussing my guilt, and she pointed out that the hit my milk supply has taken is probably more so due to my newfound crappy eating habits than the pregnancy. And I think she was right. After the first little dip, things seemed to be okay again for a few weeks, but then I hadn't been eating much/ well, and I noticed Laura had become re-frustrated. So, starting today, I vowed that I would at least try to eat a reasonable amount of food, if not only so I could maintain enough milk to keep my little nursling happy. She didn't ask for any of this, and I don't find it fair to her that she is suffering because of it.
     Guilt Trip Number Two consists of my energy level. It's pretty low. I need naps + Laura thinking she doesn't need naps = incompatible. One day early on I could not physically stay awake anymore, and she was refusing to go to sleep, so my patience ran out and I just had to let her cry for the duration of my nap - about half an hour. :( The worst part is, I have been having an awful time sleeping at night, which is when Laura actually sleeps, and I should be too. I will wake up and not be able to get back to sleep for an hour. Sometimes multiple times a night. That makes for a tired mommy in the morning who does not want to play, but would rather lounge lazily on the couch, while letting Laura watch movies. Uggghhh. Just typing that sentence has sent a new wave of guilt awash over me. The other morning I actually fell asleep on the couch and Laura went upstairs and got into something and cut her finger (it wasn't bleeding, so not too bad, but obviously could have been much worse). So, not only am I being a bad, unstimulating, and unsupervising mommy, I am also allowing her to watch mind-numbing television for far too much of the day. But it's so easy - she likes it, and I get to rest... it seems like a good compromise, except it's not. Because of the guilt. And the brain damage I am probably doing to her. And it's not even like she is watching shows like Sesame Street that I can pass off as 'educational', no, recently she has somehow become completely and utterly infatuated with Winnie the Pooh. We have watched it so many times that Daddy finally put a ban on us using Youtube to watch it anymore on account of our bandwidth and downloaded us a copy to my hard drive. 
     So there's that.
     And then there is also the uncleanliness of my house, and the general lack of chore-doing on my part. This guilt item is not specifically pertaining to Laura, but the members of my household in general. When Josh and I were married we divided up the chores between us. For the last few weeks, I have been sorely lacking on my half, which means he has had to compensate. He has fed Laura her (pureed and therefore barf-worthy) dinner every day for the last three weeks. He has had to fend for himself for dinner for most of those nights, too, and Josh doesn't cook. His culinary skills end at turning on the oven and throwing in some frozen chicken fingers and fries. So neither of us have been eating particularly well for a while now. And the rest of the cleaning just hasn't been getting done: there is a fearsome ring in our bathtub, the toilet could use a good scrub, and a large mountain of laundry has accumulated and needs to be put away (at least it's clean), to mention a few. If anyone knows of a free maid, please send them on over.
     So, on top of all that, I feel a small amount of guilt over being less excited about this pregnancy than I was with the first two pregnancies. I mean, it was well-planned and I was completely and utterly ecstatic about it for the first few days after I found out, but I am having a hard time maintaining my excitement level through all of our toils. And most days I don't even remember that there is a kidney bean-sized parasite growing inside of me causing all of this. Then I feel bad, because I'm pretty sure I thought about Laura every day I was pregnant with her.
     The good news is that this trimester won't last forever. Eventually food will resume its appeal, eventually sleep will (hopefully) stop escaping me at night and stop being necessary through the day, eventually I will have enough energy to clean my house again (if it hasn't imploded on itself by then), and eventually this little kidney bean will be big enough to kick me every day and remind me to send love its way <3.

Happy Hallowe'en!

     Tonight we took Laura Trick or Treating for the first time. Last year we dressed her up, but since she couldn't really eat candy, we decided to forego touring for treats.

She was Baby Peach from Mario Kart

 

    We try to choose her costume based on her interests; last year she loved watching us play Mario Kart, this year she is really into Sesame Street. So we went with the Sesame Street theme and carved Elmo, Big Bird and Kermit pumpkins at the neighbours' yesterday. Since Josh is the Pumpkin Master Template Designer, he decided they all needed fangs to be more Hallowe'eny. 

 

     Laura dressed up as Super Grover, and Josh went as Count Von Count to take her around. 

     Laura did surprisingly well going house to house considering how much she had us believing she hated wearing her costume. I think the fact that people were handing her fistfuls of candy helped. ;)

The caped Sesame Street Characters

     Laura was also very excited about the fact that, "Moon!! Up!!!"

 

     We trick or treated for about an hour, then came home to hand out candy while watching 'It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown'. Laura helped, too. And ate way too much candy of her own haul.

Damn You, Naptime...

... and your routine being so effective on me instead of the intended victim!

     Naptime routine at our house includes lunch, followed by perhaps a little playing depending on the time, then change diaper, turn off lights, soothing lullabies on, and nursing to sleep. Nearly every day this routine suckers me into the sleepy land that is afternoon naps, but not always Laura.
     Today, for instance, Laura didn't wake up for the day until 9:30. She missed her nap yesterday because we were out and about, so I guess she was extra tired. I debated about waking her up this morning so I would have a fighting chance of her having a nap today, but, I just cannot quite bring myself to wake a sleeping baby. So, at the beginning of the day I braced myself for a long one.

Laura's first night in her 'big girl bed'.
She slept on the floor by the door until 6am
when Daddy put her back in bed...

      Nevertheless, I wasn't going down without a fight. Around 2:00 (an hour later than usual) I tried the naptime routine, only to have it backfire and work very effectively on me. We have had the crib side off for two days now, and have a bed rail up instead, which obviously allows Laura to get in and out of bed as she pleases. Not conducive to napping. So, I curled up on the nursery floor with a pillow and blanket and closed my eyes, naively hoping that somehow she would climb into bed and follow suit. She didn't. I kept half an eye on her as she puttered around the nursery pulling clothing and pajamas from her dresser and mixing them in with the dirty clothing from her laundry hamper. At some point I must have drifted off, as I awoke to a foot in my eye in the process of my head being straddled, "BOUN[CE] BOUN[CE]!!" ... sigh.
     So, after about 40 minutes I gave up and we went downstairs to watch a movie instead. You win some, you lose some, I guess.

Weekend Away

      So, yes, it is Thursday already, but somehow it is the first time (and motivation) I've had to sit down and document our past weekend:
    Our good friends got married last weekend, in a town about 9 hours from our house (which would probably only take about 7 hours for other people, but we are just that slow, and still, 7 hours is pretty far). So, needless to say, it was a Big Deal to get there and back with a one-year-old. Josh had been madly working overtime over the past few weeks to be able to bank some extra hours in order for us to take off at lunch time on Friday, so to begin with we were all worn a little thin. When Josh came home from work on Friday, it was a mad dash to pack up the car and grab something to eat all as quickly as possible. Since Laura's things account for a large percentage of the stuff we usually bring on trips, I left her bags of clothing and cloth diapers up in her room, assuming Josh would notice they hadn't been brought down to the pile of things to be packed in the car. He didn't. When we were about 40 minutes away from home, I asked him, "You brought the bags of clothes and stuff from Laura's room, right?"
     "What? No... I only packed the stuff that was in the pile."
     "OMG. Please be kidding. You're kidding, right?"
     "Ummm, no."
     Grrrreat.
     We theoretically could have gone back for them, but we were supposed to be meeting someone in the next town and we were already a few minutes behind, not to mention that it would have easily added 1.5 hours to our already 7-hour drive. Not happening. So, we called Josh's parents (who we were going to be staying with, and would be looking after Laura) if they happened to have any extra 18-month sized clothes lying around. Josh's mom was going to check and call us back.  So, we stopped in the next town and picked up a few outfits and jammies for Laura. Josh's parents were going to pick up a package of disposable diapers. Forty-five minutes and $60 later, Laura had a new weekend wardrobe, although Josh informed me after that, while I was in the store, his mom called back and actually had a number of things that would work. Ok, whatever. If they have clothes to fit her, we will just return the things we bought.
     So, we carried on, and at 8PM we finally arrived at the in-laws'. All considered, Laura did really well, and one of the pluses of being trapped in the car that long together, is that it gives us the chance to talk about things we might not normally get around to talking about.
     Once we had arrived and unpacked, much to Laura's delight, she discovered her grandparents' most recent aquisition - a new kitten - and proceeded to spend the remainder of the evening chasing him down. He was very good with her, and all of the combined shenanigans were très adorable. After a bite to eat and a nice chat, we headed off to bed.
     The next morning we gathered up our things for the wedding and left our little monkey with her Grandma and Grandpa. She was watching Mickey Mouse when we left, and barely looked up to hug and kiss us goodbye. I think she was pretty happy with them. We drove the rest of the 2 hours to our destination, and had time for a nice lunch with one of my old friends we hadn't seen in ages. Then, we checked into the hotel, got dressed and whisked ourselves off to the site of the wedding ceremony. It was chilly, and the wedding was outdoors, but as a nice touch the bride and groom had arranged for coffee and tea to be available to the guests while we were waiting for the ceremony to start. 
     The highlight of the wedding was how absolutely stunning the bride looked. That, and during the maid of honour's speech, she paused as she was having an emotional moment, and Josh, evidentally not paying attention, says loudly, "Hey, Dave, do you want this weird stuff on my plate?" The weird 'stuff' he was referring to was carrots and squash (Dave is a vegetarian). Our whole table nearly died trying to stifle our laughter. Oh, Josh. <3
     The wedding was great, and I'm happy that our friends are all starting to get married now. (This particular couple had been dating for two months longer than Josh and I, but Josh and I have been married for 4 years already.) ;)

     We headed back to the hotel around 1AM and were up and away by 8:15 the next morning.  It was the longest we had left Laura (a full 24 hours), and she was going to need to nurse!

Laura, sporting her Daddy hand-me-downs, with her Grandma and Great-Grandma

We arrived back at Josh's parents' house and Laura barely appeared to have missed us. I like that.  Josh and I grabbed a nap after we had settled back in, and spent some family time together. I was so grateful that Josh had worked enough overtime to take Monday off, as well. Trying to drive another seven hours home from his parents after already driving two would have been too much. We had a nice family dinner with his brother Sunday evening, and continued to be entertained by the antics of Laura and the kitten. Laura is at such an unbearably cute age right now, I can hardly stand it. <3
Monday morning we had a nice visit with a friend of the family and her two sons, and then hit the road after lunch. We were able to make it home in six hours this time, which seems a commendable feat for us. When we got home, all of Laura's clothes and diapers were nicely packed and sitting waiting for us up in her room. :)

Disney Bound

     Well, its official: we're going to Disney World in February. I couldn't be more excited!

     I grew up a big fan of Disney (we had almost a complete set of Disney VHS tapes, most of which no longer work probably due to overuse) and I've been to Disney World four times before. Josh has never been to the United States at all, let alone Disney World, so I am hoping to somewhat cater the trip to him so he will love it (which is only for mildly selfish purposes: so he will remember it fondly and therefore be more likely to agree to another trip there at some point in the future).
     My mom invited herself along (she's a Disney junkie), and then offered to treat as a 'gift' for us from her inheritance from my Grandpa. So we couldn't very well turn her down ;). She's been 9 times in the last 14 years or something like that, so we figured she would make a good guide if nothing else. We've been planning and hemming and hawing on details for the past two months now, and they are finally becoming solidifed - very exciting! We decided to splurge, and will be staying on property at Disney's Deluxe Beach Club Resort (right adjacent to Epcot), which features a fabulous three-acre beachside water park including a lazy river, sand-bottomed pool and shipwreck. Hopefully we'll have at least a couple of nice swimming-weather days while we are there to enjoy it!
     I've already begun conditioning the Little Miss to know who at least Mickey Mouse is. I bought her a DVD of Classic Mickey skits that she now asks to watch on probably a daily basis. Every time Mickey comes on the screen she waves and says 'hi'. Too cute. I also may or may not have already started planning our outfits. Yes, I realize it is still five months away.

    And, incidentally, this came in the mail today:

probably the cutest mug shot you'll ever see

Thanksgiving Weekend

     This is the first Thanksgiving we celebrated without my Grandpa, and the 10th without my Grandma. It's sad that something I always so strongly associated with my grandparents is now celebrated without them. We still had a good time visiting with the rest of the family, but it just felt like something was missing, you know?

Saturday

     We arrived at the cottage just after 3PM and, other than being delayed and rerouted by trains that were blocking the road, enjoyed a lovely autumn drive. Laura was fairly miserable the whole time we were there, and spent most of it clinging to her mama like a baby monkey. She is terrified of my dad, and new people in general, so it took her a long while to warm up to everyone. Plus, she was hungry, but barely ate anything because she is ridiculously picky, so furthering her grump.

     However, since it was such a beautiful day, we went down to the dock to check out the water. We dipped our toes in the lake, which Laura loved, watched the kids chase dock spiders, and enjoyed soaking up some sunshine. I asked Josh to take Laura down to the shore so she could wade in the water, but as he was carrying her down the rock steps, he slipped and fell, dropping her onto the rocks in the shallow water. :S!! She was okay, just very wet and startled. Josh got fairly soaked, as well, but wasn't hurt. Poor baby.

     Laura spent the majority of dinner not eating and whining because "she wanted down". I should have just brought her some pureed food I could have spoon-fed her, because that is usually the only way I can get her to eat dinner. Thankfully there were enough people there to take her and entertain her away from the table so I could actually get a bite. Everything was super delicious, and I of course ate too much. I was uncomfortably full by the time dessert was done, and tired and generally irritable. We headed home shortly after dessert and crashed into bed. Although that sounds like a bunch of bad stuff, we still had a nice time :).

Sunday

     We spent the morning laying low, getting groceries and doing general house maintenance. At the grocery store I was asking Laura what fruit we should get this week and she said, "Two [ba]nanas".  I said, "Okay, we'll get some bananas." "No! TWO nanas".... "Umm, okay, how about two plus one?" LOL.

     After Laura's nap we went for a bike ride through the park to take advantage of what are probably the last few beautiful days of the year. She dropped both her shoes on the way home and Josh had to go find them in the van. Luckily he found both of them. haha.

Monday

     I got up this morning and really wanted to shower before Laura woke up. I was going to jump in quickly, but somehow Josh caulking the tub earlier this weekend = broken shower curtain rod (?). I was unreasonably enraged by this and demanded that he hold up the shower curtain while I showered because I was not going in public to buy a new rod without showering first. Somehow, he actually complied with this :). I spent the morning running errands (buying a new shower curtain rod, amongst other things) and more house cleaning. Josh had to go in to work for a few hours in the afternoon while Laura napped, and I got a few more things done. My mom, aunt, uncle, and step-grandma dropped in for a quick visit on their way home from a wedding they were at this weekend, and then when Josh came home we took the dogs out to the dog park. We were going to run out again after to pick up a few more things, only to find that the store was closed for Thanksgiving, and so spontaneously decided to go out for dinner instead. Laura did quite well, despite the very slow service. We came home and are ready to crash into bed again. At 8:15PM.

Friday Family Jam Night

     Some time in the last month, not only has Laura started stringing two to four words together and been repeating words back to us, but she has also started 'singing', which has made me realize that it was high time I made the following documentation:

     When Laura was born, Josh and I decided to implement 'Family Jam Night' on Fridays for a variety of reasons, but mostly in order to foster Laura's love of Josh's music. Luckily for us, Laura's love of music doesn't need much fostering, so when we slack off or forget to have Jam Night, her love of music doesn't wane. :)

     Right now, Jam Night usually only lasts a couple of songs, but it is a nice way to bring our family together doing something we all love. We are no professionals; our 'play list' usually includes Sweet Child of Mine (which Josh practiced and practiced to make an absolutely beautiful cover of and set to a slideshow of Laura's newborn photos as a gift to her... I should find out if I can upload it, too, somehow), Hey Jude (which Laura now loves, since she can sing along to the part 'nah nah nah nah' and wanders around the house doing so), and maybe one or two other songs we randomly feel like if her attention span lasts.

Budding Musician

September 2010

September 2011

Jam Nights:

September 2010

September 2011

And since my saved file of tabs was lost when my old computer died, I am just going to keep a running list here. 

Pay no attention :) 

[G]Here comes the sun.
     [C]Here comes the s[A7]un,
     And I say[G], it's all right.[C]    [G]    [C]    [G]    [D7]      [G]    [G7]

Little darling,
The smiles returning to their faces.
Little darling,
It feels like years since it's been here.

     Here comes the sun.
     Here comes the sun,
     And I say, it's all right.

Little darling,
I feel that ice is slowly melting.
Little darling,
It feels like years since it's been clear.

     Here comes the sun.
     Here comes the sun,
     And I say, it's all right.

D                     A
                Hey Jude    don’t make it bad      
                       A7                      D
  take a sad   song  and make it better
                 G                           D
  Remember to let her into your heart 
                                A7               D
  and then you can start to make it better

                    D                 A
  Hey Jude    don’t be afraid
                         A7                     D
  you were made    to  go out and get her
                    G                             D
  The minute you let her under your skin
                          A7             D        D7
  then you begin to make it better

                                         G        G/f#     Em7
  And anytime you feel the pain hey Jude  refrain
                                A7              D          D7
  Don’t carry the world upon your shoulder 
                                              G        G/f#     Em7
  For well you know that it’s a fool who plays it cool
                              A7              D
  by making his world  a little colder


               Interlude: D – D7 – (A7)

                   D                    A
               Hey Jude    don’t let me down 
          A7                    D
               You have found  her now go and get her
   G                          D
        Remember to let her into you heart 
              A7               D
        then you can start to make it better
                               D7                     A7
               better  better  better  better  better YAH!!!

               D               C/E              G                    D 
               Nah  Nah  Nah   Nah na Nah NAH   nah na nah NAH , Hey Jude!
                                                              
        D               C/E              G                    D 
               Nah  Nah  Nah   Nah na Nah NAH   nah na nah NAH , Hey Jude!

	A	Bm
	Baby mine, don't you	cry

	A	Bm
	Baby mine, dry your	eyes

	D	Bm
	Rest your head close to my	heart

	E7	A
Never to	part, baby of	mine

VERSE 2:

	A	Bm
	Little one when you	play

	A	Bm
	Don't you mind what you	say

	D	Bm
	Let those eyes sparkle and	shine

	E7	A
Never a	tear, baby of	mine

CHORUS:

	F#m	A	C#
	If they	knew sweet little	you

	F#m	A	C#
	They'd end	up loving you	too

	F#m	C#m
	All those same people who	scold you

	F#m	E	B
	What	they'd	give just for

	C#m	Bm	E7
The	right to	hold	you

VERSE 3:

	A	Bm
	From your head to your	toes

	A	Bm
	You're not much, goodness	knows

	D	Bm
	But you're so precious to	me

E7 A Asus2 Asus4 x2

Sweet as can be, baby of mine

CHORUS:

	F#m	C#m
	All of those people who	scold you

	F#m	E	B
	What	they'd	give just for

	C#m	Bm	E7
The	right to	hold	you

VERSE 4:

	A	Bm
	From your head to your	toes

	A	Bm
	You're not much, goodness	knows

	D	Bm
	But you're so precious to	me

E7 A Asus2 Asus4 x2

Cute as can be, baby of mine

A Asus2 Asus4 x2

Baby of mine

G         D/F#      F               C
    And I feel that time's a wasted go.
Gm   
    So where ya going to 
  G             D/F#     F                 C
tomorrow? And I see that these are lies to come.
Gm                              
    Would you even care?

Pre-chorus:

D     Cadd9 G/B   Cadd9 
                    And I
D     Cadd9 G/B   Cadd9 
feel  it...(it....it!)
D     Cadd9 G/B   Cadd9 
                    Yeah I
D     Cadd9 G/B   Cadd9 
feel  it...(it....it!)

Chorus (Part 1):

Gm                       F 
    Where ya going for tomorrow?
Gm                           F
    Where ya going with that mask I found?
Gm                                  F
    And I feel, and I feel when the dogs begin to smell her...
Gm                  F
    Will she smell alone?

Intro (x1)

Verse 2:

G         D/F#     F                   C
    And I feel, so much depends on the weather.
Gm                             
    So is it raining in your 
G              D/F#      F                     C        
bedroom? And I see, that these are the eyes of disarray.
Gm                             
       Would you even care?

Pre-chorus:

D     Cadd9 G/B   Cadd9 
                    And I
D     Cadd9 G/B   Cadd9 
feel  it...(it....it!)
D     Cadd9 G/B   Cadd9 
                    And she
D     Cadd9 G/B   Cadd9 
feels it...(it....it!)

Chorus (Part 1):

Gm                       F 
    Where ya going for tomorrow?
Gm                           F
    Where ya going with that mask I found?
Gm                                  F
    And I feel, and I feel when the dogs begin to smell her...
Gm                  F
    Will she smell alone?

Chorus (Part 2): 

G2                         F
When the dogs do find her. Got time, time, to wait for 
G2                         F           
tomorrow...    to find it, to find it, to find it.
G2                         F
When the dogs do find her. Got time, time, to wait for 
G2                         F           
tomorrow...    to find it, to find it, to find it.

Intro (x3)

Chorus (Part 1):

Gm                       F 
    Where ya going for tomorrow?
Gm                           F
    Where ya going with that mask I found?
Gm                                  F
    And I feel, and I feel when the dogs begin to smell her...
Gm                  F
    Will she smell alone?

Chorus (Part 2): 

G2                         F
When the dogs do find her. Got time, time, to wait for 
G2                         F           
tomorrow...    to find it, to find it, to find it.
G2                         F
When the dogs do find her. Got time, time, to wait for 
G2                         F           
tomorrow...    to find it, to find it, to find it.

Outro (over Intro deal):

D|-3--3--x-(3)-3---3-33-3--|-3--3--x-(3)-3---3-33-3--|
A|-3--3--x-(3)-2---2-22-2--|-1--1--x-(1)-0---0-11-2--|
F|-0--0--x-(0)-3---3-33-3--|-2--2--x-(2)-0---0-00-0--|
C|-------------------------|-------------------------|
G|-------------------------|-------------------------|
D|-------------------------|-------------------------| (x5)
                  To find it...            (to find it)  
then..

D|-3--3--x-(3)-3---3-33-3--|-3--3--x-(3)-3~----------|
A|-3--3--x-(3)-2---2-22-2--|-1--1--x-(1)-0~----------|
G|-0--0--x-(0)-3---3-33-3--|-2--2--x-(2)-0~----------|
C|-------------------------|------------(0)~---------|
G|-------------------------|-------------------------|
D|-------------------------|-------------------------|
                  To find it! 

 Winnie The Pooh

E B A E B A E E B A E

 

    INTRO
C#m7 (x42100)
E
Asus2 (x02200)
Absus4 (xx1124) - Ab -
A
E


---0-0---0---0-------0-   }
-2/3-3/2-0---------0---   }
-----------2---1/2-----   }
-----------------------   }
-----------------------   } x2 LEAD IN
-----------------------   }
                          }
E                         }
F#m11/E (022222) - E      }


C#m7         Ab/C
Waiting on a Sunday afternoon
    C#7/B (x2342x)               A#m7b5 (x1x120)
for what I read between the lines
            A5 -
your lies.
E -- F#m11/E -- E -
F#m11/E - E -

C#m7           Ab/C
Feelin' like a hand in rusted chain
   C#7/B                        A#m7b5 
so do you laugh, or does it cry?
       A5 -
Reply?
E -- F#m11/E -- E -
F#m11/E - E -

LEAD IN

C#m7         E
leavin' on a southern train
     Asus2          Absus4 - Ab -
only yesterday, you lied,
A                  E
promises of what i seemed to be
     A                   G#sus4 - G# -- G#7 --
only watched the time go by,
A                   E
all of these things you said to me.

LEAD IN

C#m7              Ab/C
breathing, is the hardest thing to do
     C#7/B                             A#m7b5 
with all I've said and all that's dead for you.
         A5 - F#m11/E - E -
You Lied - 
         A5
Good bye
E -- F#m11/E -- E -
F#m11/E - E -

C#m7         E
leavin' on a southern train
     Asus2          Absus4 - Ab -
only yesterday, you lied,
A                  E
promises of what i seemed to be
     A                   G#sus4 - G# -- G#7 --
only watched the time go by,
A                   E
all of these things I said to you.