Mom Fail

     This week has been crazy and stressful, here. As fate would have it, now that Rachel has started on solids, my milk supply has plummeted. *sob* It has taken a few weeks for us to piece together why she has grown increasingly fussy over the last little while, but it is now clear that she is probably hungry. That's right, folks, I have been letting my baby go hungry. FAIL.
     Her wets and dirties still seem to be on par for normal at this age, and she is still producing tears, so she is not dehydrated. I have noticed, however, a significant decrease in the volume of her wetting as compared to a few weeks back, and when I try to pump, well, we'll just say I can only get a pitiful amount. This, coupled with her constant fussiness/ demand for nursing, finally clued me in.
     We have spoken with several professionals this week, including our family doctor and a lactation consultant, and the consensus is that we will have to supplement. Probably via a lactation aid (feeding tube thing) because she is not into bottles. Le sigh.
     She went for her 6 month check up today (a bit late, I know, but doc was on vacay) and my suspicions were confirmed: she has only gained one pound in the last two months, which is sub par.
     Wednesday night I went to the store to buy formula, fighting back the tears. (This may seem like an overreaction to most people, but you probably wouldn't understand unless you have experienced the amazing bond that nature creates through breastfeeding.) It's not just about nutrition, there are so many more perks that both she and I will not be fully benefiting from now. I already have my guilt about other things that Rachel will have to endure, and having to wean before she is ready/ supplement with formula (something I did not have to do for Laura) is only majorly compounding these feelings right now. Sorry about the emo, it's how I roll as a mom.
Also, I don't have the first clue as to how to bottle feed a baby. I have already burnt myself, cracked a bottle, and sprayed formula all over the kitchen - all in the span of about five minutes. I'm not cut out for this.

PS - It's not that formula is that bad, it's just that breastfeeding is that good.

PPS - just got a free feeding tube from the obstetrical ward at the hospital tonight and tried it out. Worked like a charm, so far. Fingers crossed it continues!
She likes to nurse to sleep now, but by the end of the day there is no milk left, so being able to supplement in this way right before bed is really helpful.