Ending the Madness

     Being a first-time mom and not knowing a whole lot about caring for a baby, I decided when Laura was born to follow a baby-led schedule. Basically, we let her tell us when she needs something instead of imposing a one-size-fits-all routine on her (re: sleeping, eating, etc). For the most part, it has worked out for us. We have, however, had a few times when we've needed to intervene and make some new rules for the good of the whole family.
     Like this week.
     For the past 3 months or so, Laura has gone back to waking up four times a night. Yes, my 13-month-old baby wakes up as much as a newborn. So, I dutifully drag myself out of bed every two hours and go and nurse her back to sleep, a process that usually only takes about five minutes, but is exhausting to repeat night after night nonetheless. Laura has never once slept through the night. I am permatired. But, the straw that broke the camel's my back was when she started "faux-nursing to sleep" last week. By this, I mean she would wake up her usual four times, but instead of nursing back to sleep in a matter of minutes, she would pretend to go back down without a fuss, and then shortly after I had hit my pillow and drifted off again she would wake back up and start all over. So really, she was waking me up about eight times a night. I couldn't handle that. I was turning into a very grumpy and generally unpleasant person. That's not fun for anyone.


     Why don't you just let her cry, you ask? Well, for one thing, that's generally not something I like to do. If a baby is crying it's because they are in need of something. They have no other form of communication. Whether the need be food, warmth, or just a soothing mommy snuggle, they are trying to let you know that something isn't right with them. That's why women have instincts to help a crying baby, and also why babies' crying is such a terrible sound. (I cannot stand the sound of babies crying, especially my own.) Also, I have read studies that have found that leaving a baby to cry for prolonged periods of time increases the amount of stress hormone, cortisol, in their systems, which can have long-lasting negative effects on personality, trust, and bonding. I also have the Mommy Guilt about denying her food (/ breastmilk) when she wants it because she is so small. On top of all that, our exchange student's room is right next to hers, and I didn't want her (or Josh) to have to listen to Laura crying, for what would probably seem like ever, in the middle of the night, when they had to get up and go to school/ work in the morning.
     But we needed to do something. As much as I hated the idea of leaving her to cry, I hated being an irritable and enraged psychopathic zombie even more. No one wants a mommy like that. Or a wife. Or a host mother. Or a Facebook friend. ;)
     After mulling it over with the Maitlands senior (who have the four child experience advantage), we came up with an arsenal of suggestions we thought were worth trying. 
First it included buying Marisa some earplugs. 


Our first night went something like this:
8:30 bedtime, nursed to sleep
12:00 Laura woke up, Josh (without breasts) went in to soothe her. We waited out 7 minutes of crying, then I went in to soothe her (without nursing). It was going to be Josh's turn 10 minutes after that, but he never ended up needing to go in - she put herself back to sleep.
3:00 Laura wakes up again, I go in and feed her as usual, but instead of just 'nibbling', she took a good full feed. 
6:00 Laura wakes up again, I go in and feed her again. 
8:00 Laura wakes up for the day


Well, that wasn't so painful.


Second night:
8:30 bedtime, nursed to sleep
1:00 Laura wakes up, Josh goes in to soothe her, and she goes back to sleep almost right away. I barely wake up/ remember (woot!)
5:00 Laura wakes up again, I go in and she has a full feeding.
8:00 Laura wakes up for the day


hmmm, I could get used to this.


The third night was a bit of a fluke because she didn't have a good nap during the day and fell asleep while we were out shopping after dinner and I didn't want to wake her when we got home. So, it went something like this:
7:00 Laura fell asleep in the car (and was transferred to her bed as unobtrusively as possible when we got home)
12:00 Laura woke up, I went in and changed her and nursed her (since neither of those usual things happened before bedtime)
5:00 Laura woke up and had a full feeding
8:00 Laura woke up for the day


     So, in three days, we have gone from four night wakings to two. I am pleased with our progress. Hopefully we will be able to wean her down to one (or zero!) in the next little while. 
I also hope that getting better sleep at night will make me less irritable and enraged all the time. I really hate feeling this way and out of control of my emotions. Time to end the madness!