Emotionally Volatile

     At the end of 2008, I lost a baby at 11 weeks pregnant. This was a planned pregnancy and a baby we were very excited for. Devastated doesn't even begin to describe how I felt. I won't elaborate on it any more than that, since dredging up those memories is still quite painful. Since then, I feel like my body chemistry hasn't been quite right. I have become emotionally volatile. I spent a number of months an emotional wreck afterwards, and falling pregnant with Laura was bittersweet to say the least. I spoke with my doctor on more than one occasion about my emotional state, but, being a naturalist, he was hesitant to prescribe antidepressants. He suggested more exercise and eating better. Being a naturalist myself, I didn't want to be on antidepressants anyway. 
     Being pregnant adds a whole new level of volatility to your emotions as it is, and I struggled throughout that time to cope and keep a handle on it. Blaming my crazy pregnancy hormones, I thought my emotions would regulate after Laura was born. Nope. I had a bit of 'baby blues' for about two weeks postpartum (crying at the silliest little things - I cried one morning in the hospital because I wasn't able to give Chester my soggy toast crust.) And now, even after 13 months, though I don't think I necessarily suffered from postpartum depression per se, the emotional volatility continues. Especially around that time of the month. I don't ever remember being so completely out-of-control-enraged as I can get now. And the logical part of my brain usually seems shocked that I am so mad at such insignificant events, which doesn't really help. I'm sure not sleeping through the night in over 13 months doesn't help either. 
     Anyway, I'm not too sure what the point of this post is, other than perhaps for much needed venting and self-justifying my feelings. Anyone else gone through this?