Birthing Rachel

~ A very long-winded rendition of how our precious Rachel came into this world ~

     One week ago today I was at the doctor's office having my 35 week appointment. We had just had a tour of the obstetrics ward at the hospital the previous weekend, and I was uncomfortable with some of the protocols the nurse had presented us with, so I took the time at my appointment to go over our birth plan with the doctor and make sure he was on board with everything I wanted, as he has the final say over the nurses anyway. (Specifically she had gone on about how all VBACs had mandatory epidurals in case of emergency, after I had expressed that I really didn't want one. Our doctor said that was nonsense and I didn't have to have one if I didn't want it.) I felt very relieved after discussing my wishes with him.
     After a long day of running errands et cetera we came home and I had no energy to cook or eat dinner. We scrounged up something for Laura, and Josh was planning on going out for birthday beers and wings with his buddy later, anyway. Laura went to bed around 9:00pm, and I, exhausted from not sleeping well the previous night, went to bed shortly after. When Josh got home just before 11:00pm I woke up. In a warm puddle. I was confused at first, but then it dawned on me: my water had broken. MY WATER HAD BROKEN!!! I called down to Josh, "I think my water broke - for real this time! [as opposed to when I joked about it on April Fool's Day]." He came upstairs and observed conclusively that, "Yeah, you're soaked." I was wearing track pants that were soaked through, as well as a large spot on the bed. Thankfully I had the foresight to get a waterproof mattress cover a few weeks back in case of this very situation. I went to the bathroom and determined that yes, I was quite sure that this was amniotic fluid. Then I began to panic. It was like all my common sense had left me. We weren't ready for this!  We hadn't even done our maternity photoshoot yet! Or my belly cast! I still had 4.5 weeks left! Our bags weren't packed! What do I even DO right now!? I called my mom. "Mom? I think my water broke! What should I do?!" "Call the hospital?" She suggested logically. "Oh. Yeah. The hospital. Right." So we did. They said not to panic, but to come in to get checked out as soon as we could. I then went into shock... like, the real kind that you get after a traumatic incident to your body occurs. I was shivering and generally a wreck. We debated about going to the hospital in our town to confirm it was indeed amniotic fluid since it would be a HUGE pain to drag Laura and the dogs all the way to the hour-away hospital at which we were planning to have the baby - especially in the middle of the night. However, I was quite confident that I had not merely peed myself. So, we spent the next hour gathering up all the rest of things we thought we needed, and packing bags for Laura and the dogs, etc. We were finally ready to go just after midnight. We had called our doula, too, and she was going to meet us at the hospital.

     Josh dropped me off at the hospital at around 1:30am and then took the dogs and Laura over to my mom's house. Jenni arrived shortly after I did and stayed with me while we waited for Josh to get back. They performed a non-stress test on me and the baby, and I was having contractions already, though I couldn't feel them. They admitted me to the hospital and started me on Penicillin because we didn't know whether or not I was positive for Group B Strep, as I had only just had the swab test earlier that day. Then we waited for me to begin labour on my own. My doctor and I had agreed that I would have 24 hours to start regular contractions before any interventions were employed, as per our birth plan. So, we went to our room and tried to sleep. But it was too exciting for me, and I probably only slept for maybe an hour all night. In the morning my doctor came in and seemed very pleased with the situation. He knew I didn't want to be induced, and he was happy that the baby was a little premature because it would make for an easier vaginal delivery. He was very positive about the whole situation, and even said he wasn't too worried about Baby's maturity at this point and she wouldn't have to spend much if any time in the NICU. Yay! So, he checked my cervix and said I was still locked up pretty tight. That was a little disappointing, but not really unexpected. I had been having contractions overnight, but not at all regularly.
     After we all got some breakfast, we went for a long walk outside to try to get things moving. I had more contractions while walking about, but nothing really seemed to make them come regularly. Jenni decided to go home until things got started, since she wasn't really needed at this point. Josh and I napped a little in the afternoon, and continued waiting. It was rapidly becoming very boring. In between doses of Penicillin we even got permission to leave for a little while and went to have dinner at my mom's and visit Laura. Our doctor came back later and said that we could continue waiting overnight because it was silly to induce labour at nighttime if we didn't have to. Around 1:00am I started having a few somewhat regular contractions. They were about 15 minutes apart still, but were reasonably strong. After I had been having them for about an hour and a half, we told our nurse. She told me to just go back to sleep and save my energy. So I did. And then they stopped again. The next day was already quite busy for the obstetrics ward as they had 3 c-sections scheduled and an induction. They said they would get around to me when they could. I was grateful for the extra time to be able to start labour on my own and told them I was in no rush. By the afternoon of that second day, Josh in particular was getting antsy. We couldn't wait forever as there is risk of infection once the water has broken (especially since we didn't know the results of my GBS test), plus we had the rest of our family to think about. Josh is very anxious in hospitals, too, so when they finally said it was our turn, we took them up on it. It had been about 40 hours since my water had broken, which was far longer than we ever thought we would have been waiting.
     So we gathered up all our things and went down to the labour and delivery room. It took about 4 IV sites before they could get a good one, so we didn't start the Pitocin drip until about 3:45pm. The next several hours flew by. They started me on the lowest dose, and upped it by 1cc every half hour. It took about 2 hours before I was having regular contractions that I could feel. Our nurse felt my tummy and said we had skipped the mild contractions and were into moderate already. I was surprised by this and encouraged because I felt like I was handling them well. I could do this! My mom showed up soon after and took her turn in helping me through contractions. I was feeling them a lot in my back, and it felt great to have someone digging their knuckles into my lower back. Jenni showed up a little while later and my mom left. By then the contractions were becoming much stronger, but at least the nurse agreed and classified them as 'strong'. I was getting to the point of almost not being able to handle them when I noticed a burning sensation. I said, "Ow, ow, it's burning now!" And our nurse, in a somewhat panicky voice asked if it was burning in my back or front.
"In the front, along my scar line."
"Okay, get on the bed right now. We're turning this off."
Eek.
She turned the drip off and said it should be out of my system in about five minutes. She called the doctor to tell him our progress. I think it was around 10:00pm at this point, and we had been labouring for four or five hours. I continued having contractions after she turned it off, however, they were much more manageable, and didn't feel like my uterus was going to rip open. The doctor showed up a little while later to check our progress and discuss options. When he checked me again, he heartbreakingly announced that I had still not begun to dilate. How could I have been having that strong

of contractions - strong enough to cause burning at the scar site - and still not be dilated at all?? I was crushed. Basically our only option left was to go to section. I couldn't keep having those contractions from 0 to 10cm, not if they were already threatening uterine rupture. I had a good cry about it while Jenni discussed with the doctor some of the things I had hoped for should we have to have another section. The doctor agreed to comply with all of them, so I felt a little better after that. We waited in the delivery room for the surgeon to get there, and I continued having contractions, which at that point were just depressing since they weren't worth the effort anymore. Having the half hour to process the situation was helpful, and I felt much better about it by the time it was time to go to the OR. We got all prepped and started the surgery just after 11pm (48 hours since my water broke). Josh was there with me, and was allowed to take pictures. They lowered the drape so I could see the baby being born, which was kind of a blur, but I remember seeing her out on top of my tummy and no one had announced the sex yet!

"What is it? What is it?" I asked.
"It's a girl!" said the doctor, and he and the surgeon held her up.
"Look, there is a true knot in her cord." He added.
I looked over, and indeed, there was a full blown knot in my baby's cord. ?!! "Isn't that dangerous?!" I asked.
"Well... yeah." He replied. "If she had been born vaginally and it pulled tight, that could have been trouble."
Oi.
  So, there she was, beautiful and kicking and screaming, and receiving 9/10 for her first APGAR score. Because she was a month early, there was some question as to whether I would be able to hold her right away, but I really wanted her on my chest, skin-to-skin, if possible. And it was. I was sooo happy to hold my baby right away. This had been one of the most scarring things for me about Laura's birth. She was so little! One of the first things I thought was that she was smaller than Laura. I also immediately thought that she did not look like newborn Laura at all. Her fingernails were long. Everyone in the OR was taking guesses as to how big she was. They all guessed over 6 pounds. Josh's guess was that my uterus' capacity was 5 pounds 14 ounces - Laura's birth weight - and that is why I went into pre-term labour. I agreed.
     After Josh and I both had a chance to hold her and bond with her a little, Josh and she went away. I was given a 'tour' of the placenta afterward, which was something that I had wanted with Laura, but didn't happen, so I was glad I was able to make the specific request this time. It was pretty neat. I really wish we had gotten a picture of the knot in her cord. One of the nurses came back to the OR specifically to tell me that she was 5 pounds 7 ounces and 19 inches long. Longer than her full term sister!
     I went to recovery for a little while and then was wheeled back to our room around 1:30am where I got to try breastfeeding. I was completely
 exhausted after not sleeping well for two nights and also just having surgery, and could barely stay awake. Rachel was spending a few hours in the nursery since she was only 35+6 weeks gestation, so we got to sleep a little. At about 4:30am I woke up and really felt the need to be with my baby, so I asked Josh to go get her. The NICU nurse said she could just stay with us, she was doing completely fine and didn't need to be there. Yay. :)

Date Night

      We had arranged with my mom a few weeks ago that Laura would stay for a sleepover at her house this weekend. The whole thing had me feeling a little guilty because, well, I was the one who wanted kids, and to be a stay at home mom, and to live too far away from my mom. So when I felt defeated and needed help, I felt like I was failing myself, and Laura. However, I am happy to recount that, despite everything, I think we all came out happier: Josh and I for getting some time to focus on spending with each other, Laura for having a fun weekend getting spoiled by her Grandma, and my mom for getting to spend time with her granddaughter. Maybe needing a break isn't such a bad thing after all...

     We had a rough week. Josh has needed the one vehicle we have for work every day. I had no planned activities/ outings, which is not good for my psyche at this point. Laura, I think, is teething her last molars, and has not been herself, so being cooped up with her all this rainy week has been very trying.
     We had arranged to go for our hospital tour of the maternity ward on Saturday, so we were just going to leave Laura with Grandma for that and then she would stay over and come home Sunday afternoon. The hospital tour was somewhat upsetting to me as I learned of their (in my opinion, unnecessary) protocols, but that is a story for another day. I was glad we went though, because, if anything, it is good to know and be prepared for these things ahead of time.
     We came home afterward and had a quiet dinner to ourselves at home of fish and chips. It was nice to not have to deal with a screaming toddler who doesn't want to eat her dinner for once. (We decided to forego going out for dinner and go out for breakfast this morning instead. Mmmm, breakfast.)  We really wanted to go to the movies and take advantage of our night together, but we weren't overly thrilled with any of the choices that were playing. I said we should just pick something and go for the sake of going since we won't be able to for a long time probably (and we had a gift card). We ended up going to see Five-Year Engagement, which we weren't overly thrilled about/ expecting much, but came away pleasantly surprised. Despite being perhaps a little long, we found it quite funny and we really enjoyed ourselves. We came home and called to check up on the little miss, and then went to bed. This morning we got up and went to one of our favourite little cafes downtown for breakfast and then for a walk in the park afterward. I remarked to Josh that I was having such a nice time with him, and it was good to know that I still actually like him when we're both not stressed to the max with our children. ;) <3
     We worked on a few projects around the house, but it was such an amazingly nice day, I couldn't help but to just want to be outside and enjoy it, instead of working on our To Do List.
     My mom brought Laura back around 5:00 and she proceeded to cry from the minute she got home until we put her to bed. She was very over-tired from her stimulating weekend with Grandma, and just didn't know what she wanted. Poor kid. She did, without prompting, tell me that she missed me and Daddy, which kind of melted my heart. I didn't even know she knew what that word meant. What a sweetie. I'm glad to have her home. I missed her, too. <3

Growing Up. Again.

I haven't written much about Laura lately, mostly because, as I mentioned before, this new baby seems have taken over my mind, body, and soul. But that doesn't mean Laura hasn't been up to some noteworthy things, too. In just the last week or two, she has:

• Finally started saying her own name. Whenever people would ask her, she would just look at them blankly, I think mostly because she couldn't really pronounce L's or R's. But she will now reply "Raura", which is a step in the right direction! (and is really cute)
  However, she still refers to herself as "Babyou" when talking about herself in most other contexts.
• Climbed out of her crib for the first time. She has only done it once so far, and hopefully that is enough, but it has prompted us to try (for probably the millionth time) to get her to sleep in her Big Girl Room/ Bed again. I am just dreading it this time because there is no way I have enough energy to deal with night wakings at this point in the game, and she sleeps so nicely in her crib still.... so I don't think I'll push too hard. If she doesn't want to, fine. I don't know what we will do when the new baby gets here and his/her room is still being occupied by the older sister, but I figure we'll cross that bridge when we get there. :S
• Used her words to clearly articulate her feelings. Okay, so I guess she has been able to do this for awhile, but yesterday I felt like we had a noteworthy breakthrough:
  We had to leave in a few minutes to pick Josh up from work, and Laura brought her "beads" (pipecleaners) upstairs to play with. I told her we had to leave soon, so we didn't have much time to play with them. I let her take them out for a minute, but then we had to get ready and put them away. I started putting on my coat and shoes and asked her to come over and do the same. She stood by the window and started spitting on the floor. I have absolutely NO patience for spitting; I don't know why, but I just cannot stand it. (Clearly she has already clued into this.) Seething, I went over and reprimanded her, trying to keep my cool. Laura said, "Mommy mad!" To which I replied, "Yes! Mommy is mad! I don't like when you spit, it's very gross. Why are you doing that?" She said, "Babyou mad, too!" *Awwwww* I melted a little. My face softened (I know this based on the look on her face). "Laura! Thank you for telling Mommy you are mad! I'm so glad you used your words to tell me how you feel! Why are you mad?"
  "Babyou play beads. Want." (Whenever she wants something she always adds 'want' at the end of the sentence. haha).
  "Ohhhh. Okay, well I'm very happy you used your words to tell Mommy why you are mad, but right now we have to go pick Daddy up from work, so you can play with your beads again when we get home."
  "Mommy happy."
  "Yes, Baby, you made Mommy happy." Hugs and kisses. <3
• Started singing. Okay, so she has actually been singing for a long time now, but the last little while she has shown a real interest in learning and singing new, real songs with real words. That she didn't just make up. We now have a playlist on Youtube of kids' songs she tries to sing along with. Super cute.
• faces forward in the car now. Yesterday we finally got around to having the carseats installed, and we decided to finally turn Laura's around. I still have mixed feelings about this because I know she is safer facing the back, but I feel like it is so much easier to get her in the seat properly, that it is probably better this way. The belt and chest clip are so much easier to get tight and in the right position when her legs aren't bent up, and when you're in a hurry, that matters. She also has been getting fussy in the car lately, so hopefully she will be happier now that she can see more (= less distraction for me). When we tried to put her in it for the first time yesterday, she freaked out. She wouldn't let me put her in it. We were having the seats put in at the cop shop, so I decided maybe we could distract her for a bit by going to see the fire trucks (attached station). We went and had a look at them for a few minutes (cool!) and then came back and tried again. When we came back she was still quite resistant to this whole, new, forward-facing seat, but once I got her in and we started driving, she realized how cool it is to be able to see out the front. We had to do two loops of the waterfront.
  The only problem I can foresee right now is that the two seats side-by-side might pose a poking and prodding risk to New Baby. Because Laura is facing forward, and the baby will be rearfacing (obviously), she can pretty easily reach into the infant seat. :S It might be handy so she can give back a soother or something, but, it also might be an issue, so we'll see how it goes.
• Speaking of seating, Laura has been opting not to sit in her highchair on a fairly frequent basis lately, too. If we go out to restaurants now, we usually just get a booth and she is happy enough there. Even at home, she asks to sit in the "big chair" if she has a choice.
• She has been really into helping Mommy lately, too. This week we have started getting her to help feed the dogs. We scoop the food (she can't reach it), and she dumps it in their bowls for us. Awesome!
  She has also been helping me make cookies, and Jell-O and birthday cake for Daddy, etc. And she is pretty good at helping pick up her toys, too. I'm so glad she wants to be more involved with things like that now. Hopefully that continues after Baby is here! :)
• This is not so much a recent development, but I wanted to acknowledge it anyway: Laura is fabulous at playing with other kids. She is not a grabby, "MINE!" kind of kid at all, and even though she doesn't have a lot of opportunity to practice, she is very good at sharing and taking turns. She really loves playing with other kids, and is very patient with them taking toys from her, etc. This week we had a little friend over for her to play with, and the little girl taught Laura how to play Ring Around the Rosy. It might have been the cutest thing ever. Laura just wanted to do it over and over again. 
•  Also not such a recent development, but cute nonetheless, is the fact that she associates some common shared items with one parent or the other. For instance, it's 'Mommy's bed', not just 'bed' or 'Mommy & Daddy's bed'. I don't know where she gets that idea. ;) But, even more humorous than that is 'Daddy's Cuck' (truck). This never ceases to amuse me. :D
• Also a less recent development: Laura has pretty much weaned herself. This happened maybe a month to a month-and-a-half ago, she just stopped asking to nurse. I was happy that it was her decision, and I think it mostly had to do with the fact that I am producing colostrum now, but I was still a little sad because I had hoped to nurse her until much closer to when New Baby arrives. (Mostly for selfish purposes - I wanted to keep "toughened up" so I wouldn't have to bother with that again. However, it was still hurting a little to nurse Laura as it was, so not really a big loss, I suppose.)
• Hopefully she wants to lose the diapers next! (Our little stint with potty training served to let Laura learn what it feels like to 'have to go', but she has to choose to do that on the potty now, which is not something we can force her to do. If she is running around without a diaper, she asks for a "bum on" when she has to go now. So at least she knows, and hopefully that will soon transfer into wanting to use the potty instead of a diaper.)

Toxic Environment

     Earlier this week I was looking up healthy meals that I could prepare ahead of time to put in the freezer for when baby comes, and came across an interesting blog. It brought out my inner hippy. And then I got thinking about our life in general, and how, in the last few months, we have been living in a somewhat toxic state. Josh is, on an almost daily basis, grumpy due to some physical ailment that is plaguing him. I know he would feel at least a little bit better if we made more of an effort to eat healthier. The thing is, what with being pregnant, I often have very strong likes and dislikes of various foods, which has been problematic in us eating well for the last several months. I am, on an almost daily basis, grumpy due to one physical ailment that is plaguing me, too. ;) Once again, I feel guilty about Laura getting the short end of the stick on this. She didn't ask for another sibling; she didn't ask for her Mom and Dad to be short-tempered and impatient; she didn't ask for any of this. I'm sure in the long run, she will be happy and better off to have another sibling, but right now I feel like we have just been ruining her life for the last eight months, and probably the next four.
      Anyhoo, I have decided that starting now, as a family, we need to make a more conscious effort to control all the 'toxicity' in this house. Eating better food. Choosing our own moods rather than letting environmental factors influence us so greatly. Being thankful for what we have, which is a lot, and generally trying to have a positive outlook on life.

All Things Baby

I haven't posted in a while, mostly because I felt like anything I had to write about lately would be redundantly whiny. I feel like this new baby has taken over my mind, body, and soul. I spend most of my waking (and non-waking) hours thinking about baby, wishing baby was here, looking forward to baby snuggles, working on my long 'before baby' nesting list, or resenting the fact that I can't be working on my nesting list.
This week I cleaned out the car and both Laura and the new baby's carseats and got everything ready to have them installed. Since I am a Nazi about car seats, I won't settle for less than the cop shop installing them themselves, but the day we went to get it done, they couldn't do it. Maybe next week.
I have also finished gathering everything up for the baby's hospital bag: it consists of diapers, wipes, shampoo/ soap/ coconut oil, 5 preemie sleepers, 5 newborn sleepers, a couple 0-3 month sleepers and various onesies, pants, etc (probably overkill on the clothes, but we don't know how big the baby will be, and all the stuff we brought for Laura to wear when she was born was miles too big, so I wanted to have a variety this time. Plus we don't know how long we will be in the hospital, either.) Now we just need to finish gathering the stuff on the list for my hospital bag, which is significantly less fun.
Recently, we also purchased our double stroller (that we got on clearance - yay!), and a new mattress cover for our bed, since I'm sure the baby will inevitably end up sleeping with us and possibly puking, peeing, expelling some other form of bodily fluid, or some combination of all three on our bed at some point. So I think we are done buying things for baby now, which is a nice feeling.
There are quite a number of things left on my nesting list, but a lot of them need to be done closer to the due date. Seven weeks away. 7. Oi.

P.S. - I felt the distinct outline of a little foot poking out of my tummy this week - it was pretty exciting. :) <3

Happy Easter!

      We spent the long weekend laying low and mostly just tried to use our extra spare time to get things done from our To Do List before baby comes.

      Friday we did some yardwork that involved moving our vegetable garden. Our yard is pretty small and we need that space for a seating area. We also want to get Laura a swing set for the back yard this summer so I can sit out there and watch her play while being able to tend to the baby. So, yeah, lots of moving dirt (Josh did most of it, but Laura helped with her little garden trowel. <3) Everyone went to be pretty early in hopes of catching up on much needed sleep.

     Saturday we got groceries as early as possible since it is always a mad house at Easter when the stores are only open one day of the whole weekend. We had a pair of somewhat shady men come to our house to clean our furnace ducts in the afternoon, and were supposed to have someone else out to measure our windows that we are replacing, but they never showed. Afterwards we went out and bought some edging stones for the shade garden and finished filling it up with top soil. It looks great now - I can't wait for the plants to start sprouting in there! :) I did some more crocheting, and cleaned the house a little. Clearly we need to clean the floor behind the toilet more often than we do. Yuck.
Not an overly interesting day.

     Sunday, Laura woke up early (even though she didn't go to bed until like 9pm) and so we did her Easter basket and egg hunt all before 8am, which she was really into this year - very cute.

(Note work on garden) :)

Then we hung out around the house for awhile before we headed to the family cottage for Easter dinner. My mom was determined she was doing an egg hunt for us (since she apparently can't let go of the fact that her children are not of Easter-egg-hunting-age anymore) but, as I told her would be the case, none of us were really that into it since it involved running around outside in the cold wind and rain finding clues as to where the next egg was hidden. However, once my cousins showed up with their kids, they were happy to finish it up, despite the weather. We had a lovely dinner, and probably the highlight of my day was watching Laura getting to play with her older (second) cousins. They are 11, 9, 8, and 7 (I think), so I wasn't sure they would be too into playing with a 2-year-old, but after dinner they were all having fun running around and letting Laura chase them - her favourite!

Camoflaging as trees (apparently)

Then they played "horsey" after that, all taking turns giving her rides around the room on their backs, which she also loved. It was very cute. <3 Unfortunately the night ended on a kinda crappy note for various reasons including, but not limited to, coming home to a lovely mess from Chester, who was apparently feeling sick, and Laura not falling asleep in the car on the way home even though it was past her bedtime, and thus becoming overtired and unable to stay asleep all night.

     Overall a pretty nice weekend!

Crocheting Machine

Or, as Josh calls it, "crack-cheting".

     I am in full nesting mode now, and so this week I taught myself how to crochet. Or, more correctly, some lady on youtube did. The baby needs clothes, right?! And newborn stuff is relatively difficult to come by... so I googled free crochet patterns, and...
So far I have made 6 baby booties (it took me about four attempts to get two that looked similar enough to call a pair from the first ball of yarn,

then I got cocky and decided to make a bigger pair for Laura),

and a hat for a special little someone who is turning two very soon (which I actually had to take apart about five times because it didn't seem to be the right size!)

(not completely done yet, I think I need to get more yarn to finish up the brim)

I also made another hat - one for the baby to match the booties, although it came out a little more boyish than I had hoped... maybe I'll make a flower to add to it if it's a girl ;)

So much fun! (But I think I'll take a break now, for Josh's sake. I'm apparently driving him nuts with my obsessive need to finish all of these projects).