Our Regular Life

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Mommy Guilt

    When I became a mom, I was unaware of the guilt that would plague me for what I can only assume will be the rest of my life. Am I choosing the right parenting tactics? Do I make enough effort to foster Laura's interests? Is being a Stay At Home Mom really the best for Laura, or am I doing it for the wrong reasons? It is amazing all of the little things you can over-analyze about and worry over when you put your mind to it.

     And then I got pregnant. And then I found out there is a whole new level of Mommy Guilt.

     My sister and I are 4.5 years apart, and I found that age difference to be very hard. Now, mind you, some people have siblings that far apart (and farther) and still have fabulous relationships, but my sister and I were not really what you would call "friends" when we were little. We fought a lot, and I picked on her. That is not what I wanted for my family. Perhaps I am making assumptions under false pretenses here, as I'm sure factors affecting siblings' abilities to get along vary far more than the age gap between them, but I figured having our children closer together might help at least little. So, really, I did have Laura in mind when planning the whole thing.
     However, one of the first problems we've encountered is that I am still nursing Laura a few times a day, and as soon as I found out I was pregnant, I noticed her getting frustrated with the whole process. She seemed impatient and insatiable, constantly asking to nurse. This led me to believe that my milk supply had taken a hit, which is not uncommon. So I did some research to see what I could do to help. What I turned up with was.... nothing. Pregnancy Rules are very restrictive, so even the herbal remedies commonly suggested to help increase milk production in lactating mothers are prohibited. The only thing my doctor recommended was letting her nurse more to biologically stimulate my body. But she is 19 months old. I don't want to nurse her the 100 times a day she asks for it anymore. So, we kind of just struggled on with it, doing the best we could and trying to find a balance we were both happy with.
     Enter Morning Sickness.
     At about 5 - 5.5 weeks, Morning Sickness reared its ugly head. Food became less and less appetizing, and accordingly, I began to eat less and less. This pregnancy has been eerily similar to my pregnancy with Laura so far, so much that I think I might be having her twin. I have had pretty much the same food aversions, same Morning-Sickness-at-dinner-time, and generally have felt the same level of nausea (although Josh remembers it differently). I lost 10 pounds in the first trimester with Laura, and so far I have lost 4 pounds at 8 weeks. I was whining to my mom yesterday about how crappy I was feeling, and we were also discussing my guilt, and she pointed out that the hit my milk supply has taken is probably more so due to my newfound crappy eating habits than the pregnancy. And I think she was right. After the first little dip, things seemed to be okay again for a few weeks, but then I hadn't been eating much/ well, and I noticed Laura had become re-frustrated. So, starting today, I vowed that I would at least try to eat a reasonable amount of food, if not only so I could maintain enough milk to keep my little nursling happy. She didn't ask for any of this, and I don't find it fair to her that she is suffering because of it.
     Guilt Trip Number Two consists of my energy level. It's pretty low. I need naps + Laura thinking she doesn't need naps = incompatible. One day early on I could not physically stay awake anymore, and she was refusing to go to sleep, so my patience ran out and I just had to let her cry for the duration of my nap - about half an hour. :( The worst part is, I have been having an awful time sleeping at night, which is when Laura actually sleeps, and I should be too. I will wake up and not be able to get back to sleep for an hour. Sometimes multiple times a night. That makes for a tired mommy in the morning who does not want to play, but would rather lounge lazily on the couch, while letting Laura watch movies. Uggghhh. Just typing that sentence has sent a new wave of guilt awash over me. The other morning I actually fell asleep on the couch and Laura went upstairs and got into something and cut her finger (it wasn't bleeding, so not too bad, but obviously could have been much worse). So, not only am I being a bad, unstimulating, and unsupervising mommy, I am also allowing her to watch mind-numbing television for far too much of the day. But it's so easy - she likes it, and I get to rest... it seems like a good compromise, except it's not. Because of the guilt. And the brain damage I am probably doing to her. And it's not even like she is watching shows like Sesame Street that I can pass off as 'educational', no, recently she has somehow become completely and utterly infatuated with Winnie the Pooh. We have watched it so many times that Daddy finally put a ban on us using Youtube to watch it anymore on account of our bandwidth and downloaded us a copy to my hard drive.
     So there's that.
     And then there is also the uncleanliness of my house, and the general lack of chore-doing on my part. This guilt item is not specifically pertaining to Laura, but the members of my household in general. When Josh and I were married we divided up the chores between us. For the last few weeks, I have been sorely lacking on my half, which means he has had to compensate. He has fed Laura her (pureed and therefore barf-worthy) dinner every day for the last three weeks. He has had to fend for himself for dinner for most of those nights, too, and Josh doesn't cook. His culinary skills end at turning on the oven and throwing in some frozen chicken fingers and fries. So neither of us have been eating particularly well for a while now. And the rest of the cleaning just hasn't been getting done: there is a fearsome ring in our bathtub, the toilet could use a good scrub, and a large mountain of laundry has accumulated and needs to be put away (at least it's clean), to mention a few. If anyone knows of a free maid, please send them on over.
     So, on top of all that, I feel a small amount of guilt over being less excited about this pregnancy than I was with the first two pregnancies. I mean, it was well-planned and I was completely and utterly ecstatic about it for the first few days after I found out, but I am having a hard time maintaining my excitement level through all of our toils. And most days I don't even remember that there is a kidney bean-sized parasite growing inside of me causing all of this. Then I feel bad, because I'm pretty sure I thought about Laura every day I was pregnant with her.
     The good news is that this trimester won't last forever. Eventually food will resume its appeal, eventually sleep will (hopefully) stop escaping me at night and stop being necessary through the day, eventually I will have enough energy to clean my house again (if it hasn't imploded on itself by then), and eventually this little kidney bean will be big enough to kick me every day and remind me to send love its way <3.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Happy Hallowe'en!

Tonight we took Laura Trick or Treating for the first time. Last year we dressed her up, but since she couldn't really eat candy, we decided to forego touring for treats.

She was Baby Peach from Mario Kart

We try to choose her costume based on her interests; last year she loved watching us play Mario Kart, this year she is really into Sesame Street. So we went with the Sesame Street theme and carved Elmo, Big Bird and Kermit pumpkins at the neighbours' yesterday. Since Josh is the Pumpkin Master Template Designer, he decided they all needed fangs to be more Hallowe'eny.

Laura dressed up as Super Grover, and Josh went as Count Von Count to take her around.

Laura did surprisingly well going house to house considering how much she had us believing she hated wearing her costume. I think the fact that people were handing her fistfuls of candy helped. ;)

The caped Sesame Street Characters

Laura was also very excited about the fact that, "Moon!! Up!!!"

We trick or treated for about an hour, then came home to hand out candy while watching 'It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown'. Laura helped, too. And ate way too much candy of her own haul.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Damn You, Naptime...

... and your routine being so effective on me instead of the intended victim!

Naptime routine at our house includes lunch, followed by perhaps a little playing depending on the time, then change diaper, turn off lights, soothing lullabies on, and nursing to sleep. Nearly every day this routine suckers me into the sleepy land that is afternoon naps, but not always Laura.
Today, for instance, Laura didn't wake up for the day until 9:30. She missed her nap yesterday because we were out and about, so I guess she was extra tired. I debated about waking her up this morning so I would have a fighting chance of her having a nap today, but, I just cannot quite bring myself to wake a sleeping baby. So, at the beginning of the day I braced myself for a long one.

Laura's first night in her 'big girl bed'.
She slept on the floor by the door until 6am
when Daddy put her back in bed...

Nevertheless, I wasn't going down without a fight. Around 2:00 (an hour later than usual) I tried the naptime routine, only to have it backfire and work very effectively on me. We have had the crib side off for two days now, and have a bed rail up instead, which obviously allows Laura to get in and out of bed as she pleases. Not conducive to napping. So, I curled up on the nursery floor with a pillow and blanket and closed my eyes, naively hoping that somehow she would climb into bed and follow suit. She didn't. I kept half an eye on her as she puttered around the nursery pulling clothing and pajamas from her dresser and mixing them in with the dirty clothing from her laundry hamper. At some point I must have drifted off, as I awoke to a foot in my eye in the process of my head being straddled, "BOUN[CE] BOUN[CE]!!" ... sigh.
So, after about 40 minutes I gave up and we went downstairs to watch a movie instead. You win some, you lose some, I guess.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Weekend Away

      So, yes, it is Thursday already, but somehow it is the first time (and motivation) I've had to sit down and document our past weekend:
    Our good friends got married last weekend, in a town about 9 hours from our house (which would probably only take about 7 hours for other people, but we are just that slow, and still, 7 hours is pretty far). So, needless to say, it was a Big Deal to get there and back with a one-year-old. Josh had been madly working overtime over the past few weeks to be able to bank some extra hours in order for us to take off at lunch time on Friday, so to begin with we were all worn a little thin. When Josh came home from work on Friday, it was a mad dash to pack up the car and grab something to eat all as quickly as possible. Since Laura's things account for a large percentage of the stuff we usually bring on trips, I left her bags of clothing and cloth diapers up in her room, assuming Josh would notice they hadn't been brought down to the pile of things to be packed in the car. He didn't. When we were about 40 minutes away from home, I asked him, "You brought the bags of clothes and stuff from Laura's room, right?"
     "What? No... I only packed the stuff that was in the pile."
     "OMG. Please be kidding. You're kidding, right?"
     "Ummm, no."
     Grrrreat.
     We theoretically could have gone back for them, but we were supposed to be meeting someone in the next town and we were already a few minutes behind, not to mention that it would have easily added 1.5 hours to our already 7-hour drive. Not happening. So, we called Josh's parents (who we were going to be staying with, and would be looking after Laura) if they happened to have any extra 18-month sized clothes lying around. Josh's mom was going to check and call us back. So, we stopped in the next town and picked up a few outfits and jammies for Laura. Josh's parents were going to pick up a package of disposable diapers. Forty-five minutes and $60 later, Laura had a new weekend wardrobe, although Josh informed me after that, while I was in the store, his mom called back and actually had a number of things that would work. Ok, whatever. If they have clothes to fit her, we will just return the things we bought.
     So, we carried on, and at 8PM we finally arrived at the in-laws'. All considered, Laura did really well, and one of the pluses of being trapped in the car that long together, is that it gives us the chance to talk about things we might not normally get around to talking about.
     Once we had arrived and unpacked, much to Laura's delight, she discovered her grandparents' most recent aquisition - a new kitten - and proceeded to spend the remainder of the evening chasing him down. He was very good with her, and all of the combined shenanigans were très adorable. After a bite to eat and a nice chat, we headed off to bed.
     The next morning we gathered up our things for the wedding and left our little monkey with her Grandma and Grandpa. She was watching Mickey Mouse when we left, and barely looked up to hug and kiss us goodbye. I think she was pretty happy with them. We drove the rest of the 2 hours to our destination, and had time for a nice lunch with one of my old friends we hadn't seen in ages. Then, we checked into the hotel, got dressed and whisked ourselves off to the site of the wedding ceremony. It was chilly, and the wedding was outdoors, but as a nice touch the bride and groom had arranged for coffee and tea to be available to the guests while we were waiting for the ceremony to start.

The highlight of the wedding was how absolutely stunning the bride looked. That, and during the maid of honour's speech, she paused as she was having an emotional moment, and Josh, evidentally not paying attention, says loudly, "Hey, Dave, do you want this weird stuff on my plate?" The weird 'stuff' he was referring to was carrots and squash (Dave is a vegetarian). Our whole table nearly died trying to stifle our laughter. Oh, Josh. <3
The wedding was great, and I'm happy that our friends are all starting to get married now. (This particular couple had been dating for two months longer than Josh and I, but Josh and I have been married for 4 years already.) ;)

We headed back to the hotel around 1AM and were up and away by 8:15 the next morning. It was the longest we had left Laura (a full 24 hours), and she was going to need to nurse!

Laura, sporting her Daddy hand-me-downs, with her Grandma and Great-Grandma

We arrived back at Josh's parents' house and Laura barely appeared to have missed us. I like that. Josh and I grabbed a nap after we had settled back in, and spent some family time together. I was so grateful that Josh had worked enough overtime to take Monday off, as well. Trying to drive another seven hours home from his parents after already driving two would have been too much. We had a nice family dinner with his brother Sunday evening, and continued to be entertained by the antics of Laura and the kitten. Laura is at such an unbearably cute age right now, I can hardly stand it. <3
Monday morning we had a nice visit with a friend of the family and her two sons, and then hit the road after lunch. We were able to make it home in six hours this time, which seems a commendable feat for us. When we got home, all of Laura's clothes and diapers were nicely packed and sitting waiting for us up in her room. :)

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Disney Bound

     Well, its official: we're going to Disney World in February. I couldn't be more excited!

     I grew up a big fan of Disney (we had almost a complete set of Disney VHS tapes, most of which no longer work probably due to overuse) and I've been to Disney World four times before. Josh has never been to the United States at all, let alone Disney World, so I am hoping to somewhat cater the trip to him so he will love it (which is only for mildly selfish purposes: so he will remember it fondly and therefore be more likely to agree to another trip there at some point in the future).
     My mom invited herself along (she's a Disney junkie), and then offered to treat as a 'gift' for us from her inheritance from my Grandpa. So we couldn't very well turn her down ;). She's been 9 times in the last 14 years or something like that, so we figured she would make a good guide if nothing else. We've been planning and hemming and hawing on details for the past two months now, and they are finally becoming solidifed - very exciting! We decided to splurge, and will be staying on property at Disney's Deluxe Beach Club Resort (right adjacent to Epcot), which features a fabulous three-acre beachside water park including a lazy river, sand-bottomed pool and shipwreck. Hopefully we'll have at least a couple of nice swimming-weather days while we are there to enjoy it!
     I've already begun conditioning the Little Miss to know who at least Mickey Mouse is. I bought her a DVD of Classic Mickey skits that she now asks to watch on probably a daily basis. Every time Mickey comes on the screen she waves and says 'hi'. Too cute. I also may or may not have already started planning our outfits. Yes, I realize it is still five months away.

    And, incidentally, this came in the mail today:

probably the cutest mug shot you'll ever see

Monday, October 10, 2011

Thanksgiving Weekend

This is the first Thanksgiving we celebrated without my Grandpa, and the 10th without my Grandma. It's sad that something I always so strongly associated with my grandparents is now celebrated without them. We still had a good time visiting with the rest of the family, but it just felt like something was missing, you know?

Saturday

We arrived at the cottage just after 3PM and, other than being delayed and rerouted by trains that were blocking the road, enjoyed a lovely autumn drive. Laura was fairly miserable the whole time we were there, and spent most of it clinging to her mama like a baby monkey. She is terrified of my dad, and new people in general, so it took her a long while to warm up to everyone. Plus, she was hungry, but barely ate anything because she is ridiculously picky, so furthering her grump.

However, since it was such a beautiful day, we went down to the dock to check out the water. We dipped our toes in the lake, which Laura loved, watched the kids chase dock spiders, and enjoyed soaking up some sunshine. I asked Josh to take Laura down to the shore so she could wade in the water, but as he was carrying her down the rock steps, he slipped and fell, dropping her onto the rocks in the shallow water. :S!! She was okay, just very wet and startled. Josh got fairly soaked, as well, but wasn't hurt. Poor baby.

Laura spent the majority of dinner not eating and whining because "she wanted down". I should have just brought her some pureed food I could have spoon-fed her, because that is usually the only way I can get her to eat dinner. Thankfully there were enough people there to take her and entertain her away from the table so I could actually get a bite. Everything was super delicious, and I of course ate too much. I was uncomfortably full by the time dessert was done, and tired and generally irritable. We headed home shortly after dessert and crashed into bed. Although that sounds like a bunch of bad stuff, we still had a nice time :).

Sunday

We spent the morning laying low, getting groceries and doing general house maintenance. At the grocery store I was asking Laura what fruit we should get this week and she said, "Two [ba]nanas". I said, "Okay, we'll get some bananas." "No! TWO nanas".... "Umm, okay, how about two plus one?" LOL.

After Laura's nap we went for a bike ride through the park to take advantage of what are probably the last few beautiful days of the year. She dropped both her shoes on the way home and Josh had to go find them in the van. Luckily he found both of them. haha.

Monday

I got up this morning and really wanted to shower before Laura woke up. I was going to jump in quickly, but somehow Josh caulking the tub earlier this weekend = broken shower curtain rod (?). I was unreasonably enraged by this and demanded that he hold up the shower curtain while I showered because I was not going in public to buy a new rod without showering first. Somehow, he actually complied with this :). I spent the morning running errands (buying a new shower curtain rod, amongst other things) and more house cleaning. Josh had to go in to work for a few hours in the afternoon while Laura napped, and I got a few more things done. My mom, aunt, uncle, and step-grandma dropped in for a quick visit on their way home from a wedding they were at this weekend, and then when Josh came home we took the dogs out to the dog park. We were going to run out again after to pick up a few more things, only to find that the store was closed for Thanksgiving, and so spontaneously decided to go out for dinner instead. Laura did quite well, despite the very slow service. We came home and are ready to crash into bed again. At 8:15PM.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Friday Family Jam Night

Some time in the last month, not only has Laura started stringing two to four words together and been repeating words back to us, but she has also started 'singing', which has made me realize that it was high time I made the following documentation:

When Laura was born, Josh and I decided to implement 'Family Jam Night' on Fridays for a variety of reasons, but mostly in order to foster Laura's love of ~~Josh's~~ music. Luckily for us, Laura's love of music doesn't need much fostering, so when we slack off or forget to have Jam Night, her love of music doesn't wane. :)

Right now, Jam Night usually only lasts a couple of songs, but it is a nice way to bring our family together doing something we all love. We are no professionals; our 'play list' usually includes Sweet Child of Mine (which Josh practiced and practiced to make an absolutely beautiful cover of and set to a slideshow of Laura's newborn photos as a gift to her... I should find out if I can upload it, too, somehow), Hey Jude (which Laura now loves, since she can sing along to the part 'nah nah nah nah' and wanders around the house doing so), and maybe one or two other songs we randomly feel like if her attention span lasts.

Budding Musician

September 2010

September 2011

Jam Nights:

September 2010

September 2011

And since my saved file of tabs was lost when my old computer died, I am just going to keep a running list here.

Pay no attention :)

[G]Here comes the sun.
     [C]Here comes the s[A7]un,
     And I say[G], it's all right.[C]    [G]    [C]    [G]    [D7]      [G]    [G7]

Little darling,
The smiles returning to their faces.
Little darling,
It feels like years since it's been here.

     Here comes the sun.
     Here comes the sun,
     And I say, it's all right.

Little darling,
I feel that ice is slowly melting.
Little darling,
It feels like years since it's been clear.

     Here comes the sun.
     Here comes the sun,
     And I say, it's all right.

D                     A
                Hey Jude    don’t make it bad      
                       A7                      D
  take a sad   song  and make it better
                 G                           D
  Remember to let her into your heart 
                                A7               D
  and then you can start to make it better

                    D                 A
  Hey Jude    don’t be afraid
                         A7                     D
  you were made    to  go out and get her
                    G                             D
  The minute you let her under your skin
                          A7             D        D7
  then you begin to make it better

                                         G        G/f#     Em7
  And anytime you feel the pain hey Jude  refrain
                                A7              D          D7
  Don’t carry the world upon your shoulder 
                                              G        G/f#     Em7
  For well you know that it’s a fool who plays it cool
                              A7              D
  by making his world  a little colder


               Interlude: D – D7 – (A7)

                   D                    A
               Hey Jude    don’t let me down 
          A7                    D
               You have found  her now go and get her
   G                          D
        Remember to let her into you heart 
              A7               D
        then you can start to make it better
                               D7                     A7
               better  better  better  better  better YAH!!!

               D               C/E              G                    D 
               Nah  Nah  Nah   Nah na Nah NAH   nah na nah NAH , Hey Jude!
                                                              
        D               C/E              G                    D 
               Nah  Nah  Nah   Nah na Nah NAH   nah na nah NAH , Hey Jude!

	A	Bm
	Baby mine, don't you	cry

	A	Bm
	Baby mine, dry your	eyes

	D	Bm
	Rest your head close to my	heart

	E7	A
Never to	part, baby of	mine

VERSE 2:

	A	Bm
	Little one when you	play

	A	Bm
	Don't you mind what you	say

	D	Bm
	Let those eyes sparkle and	shine

	E7	A
Never a	tear, baby of	mine

CHORUS:

	F#m	A	C#
	If they	knew sweet little	you

	F#m	A	C#
	They'd end	up loving you	too

	F#m	C#m
	All those same people who	scold you

	F#m	E	B
	What	they'd	give just for

	C#m	Bm	E7
The	right to	hold	you

VERSE 3:

	A	Bm
	From your head to your	toes

	A	Bm
	You're not much, goodness	knows

	D	Bm
	But you're so precious to	me

E7 A Asus2 Asus4 x2

Sweet as can be, baby of mine